I used to be super pessimistic, but I'd like to think I'm more of a healthy realist these days. According to an online quiz I am.
Realist
You don`t let things get you too down, or too up. You`re an Even Steven and you stay away from extremes.
Booyah. That settles it, right? Unfortunately, the next test pegged me as a downer.
Your total is 61. You qualify as a defensive pessimist in my studies.
Well, rats. On the upside, that second quiz was more academic, and they had this to say about defensive pessimism.
Though it sounds as if it might be depressing, defensive pessimism actually helps anxious people focus away from their emotions so that they can plan and act effectively.
Look at me talking about upsides. I can't be a total pessimist after all. It's a positive thing when I take my focus off my emotions so I can plan effectively and all that jazz that he said.
I started thinking about all this because our pastor mentioned pessimism in his sermon this week. He said that as a general rule, pessimists are typically not highly successful people.
As per my usual habit, I have put a great deal of time into over-thinking this statement. See, I honestly can't help it that I'm a natural-born pessimist. I score a hands-down melancholy on every temperament test I ever take. Basically, I'm Eeyore. And so, I was curious to know if I am indeed forever doomed to a life of mediocrity.
Fortunately, there actually are some pretty famous pessimists, especially in the artistic fields. Beethoven, Hillary Clinton, Vincent van Gogh, and Bill Gates all fall into the melancholy category. After a bit of research, I came to the conclusion that neither optimism nor pessimism seem to be the key to success in and of themselves. I think it has more to do with how you handle your God-given temperament.
If you're too positive, it helps to be friends with a Debbie Downer. They'll be sure to point out the flaws you're overlooking. If you're too negative, a good friend might be a Positive Paula. (Hey, I had to have something comparable to Debbie Downer, and apparently alliteration is only used to criticize.) They will encourage you not to give up just because something isn't going your way.
At any rate, I'm just glad that I am not predestined to a life of failure. In my pastor's defense, he was referring to those pessimists who don't fight their natural inclinations and allow negative thinking to rule their lives.
I'm not entirely certain about this, but I think my first-born son is the melancholy type as well. He is introspective, moody, sensitive, and quick to point out the negative. He gets discouraged easily, complains often, and gives up unnecessarily. Poor guy seems to have a double portion of my pessimism.
He started in on one of his tirades after church on Sunday, and I gave him a hard time about what our pastor said. (It is so hard to be patient when he's complaining about petty issues.) He proceeded to get even angrier and walk off in a huff. I responded with a sarcastic comment of some sort. Not one of my better parenting moments. I probably should take the beam out of my eye.
How often do I say to myself, "Why do I even bother?" Those five words are like pessimism in a nutshell.
Here are some subjects that currently evoke that phrase in my life: keeping up with the housework, asking my kids to stop yelling "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!", expecting my kids to do their chores without being told, seeking just a half hour of complete silence, traveling anywhere at all without the kids arguing, and encouraging my husband to talk about feelings with me.
Ironically, one of the subjects I've been most pessimistic about lately is my son's attitude. I swear this almost ten-year-old acts like a true blue teenager. My once constantly sweet little man erupts at the slightest provocation. Once he loses control, he can't seem to gain it back without spending an hour alone to collect himself. He can be rude and condescending to his siblings and argues with Isaiah and I on a regular basis.
Told you I was feeling pessimistic, because I do not see any end to his behavior on the horizon. If anything, it continues to get worse. I have no doubt that our uprooting him twice in the past year has contributed to the problem, but I think it's more than that. I'm willing to bet that my own parenting is a large part of the problem, and that's not just my negativity talking.
Normally I like to write about subjects in which I'm at least putting up a good fight, even if I'm not victorious. But today, this Negative Nellie (told you) has no helpful tips. I'm not even exactly sure why I chose to write about it except that I've been trying hard to write about where I'm at, if that makes sense.
So here's where I'm at.
I know that I need to be more positive around my son, and the rest of my kids for that matter. My exasperated sighs, constant verbalizations of how messy the house is, eye rolls when they complain about something ridiculous, and rudely sarcastic responses to their faulty logic need one big giant nip in the bud. I know I won't ever be perfect, but I also know God can help me have victory here. (There's that realist shining through.)
Not only do I need to stop those habits, but I need to replace them with better choices. I need to compliment my kids' positives daily, speak firmly but patiently, use humor to diffuse all of our tempers, and point out all the beauty in this world God created. They need to know that I'm not just a Whiny Wendy. (That one was for you, Mom.) Seriously, though, I don't want their most pervasive childhood memory of me to be my criticism of them.
I also need to take the time to find out what's going on in their little minds. Each of my kids needs my attention, discipline, and affection in different ways, and it's my job to find out what those ways are and keep up with how they're changing as they grow.
I feel like I used to be pretty good at some of those things, and I'm not sure what happened. I guess I got too busy and settled for less. I lost my focus. I'm tired and discouraged and I could make lots more excuses, but those excuses have got to stop.
My kids are watching me. They're learning from me, regardless of how poorly I'm teaching. Just because I'm a pessimist, doesn't mean I have to give up. It just means I can't do this thing alone. God is strong in my weakness. He has helped me push through this before, and He will be faithful to do it again.
That's not even blind optimism, folks. It's just the truth.
