Movin' on up!

Hello everyone! Just wanted to make a public service announcement for those of you folks who have subscribed to this blog via email. While this blog will remain online (at least for now), I won't be posting anything new here.

The blog has moved here! It has been redesigned, thanks to Christie Potter Design! If you would like to continue to receive posts via email, you will need to subscribe in the box at the right on the new home page. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read these posts. I hope you will continue!

Attention Deficit Mom Disorder (ADMD)

What was I talking about again?

Ah, right. Attention Deficit Mom Disorder.

It's a wonder I get anything accomplished in life, because I spend at least half the day wandering around the house trying to remember what I was doing and/or looking for something that I've misplaced. (Or more often, that one of my children or husband has moved somewhere else.)

It's never had any disastrous consequences. Just the usual milk stuck into the cabinet, leaving the laundry in the washing machine for several days and having to rewash it, making a detailed grocery list and leaving it at home, taking the dirty dishes to the bathroom sink, starting and not finishing ten different household tasks. That sort of thing.

I am a kindred spirit to the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz. In fact, I sing his theme song on a regular basis. ♫ If I only had a brain... ♫

I still remember the days when I could focus. It was a wonderful feeling, really. One that I took for granted, though I appreciate such moments of clarity now. They may be few and far between, but that just makes me appreciate them all the more.

I posted a facebook status about my ADMD once, and a friend of mine commented with a link to this poem. It was rather timely, and I think about it often when I'm frustrated by my scatter-brainedness. I am not alone in this disorder, and that brings me comfort.

One of the ways this lack of focus has greatly affected me is during my morning quiet time. Far too often, my inner dialogue has gone something like this:

In those days John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness of Judea... I wonder if he actually got to the point where he enjoyed eating locusts. He had a reputation for eating them, so it couldn't have just been a one time deal. Did he enjoy them once he got used to the crunchiness? Did he cook them? Bah, must concentrate...

and saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!" For this is he who was...Oh! I need to remember to sign that permission slip. The deadline is today. Today is story time at the library, too. Gotta remember that after I drop the kids off, so we can get ready in time. Argh! Need to focus on what I'm reading!

That's not an exact scenario, but I think you get the point. I have a hard time concentrating on what I'm reading, which makes it pretty difficult to glean wisdom, hide God's Word in my heart, be ready to give an answer to those who ask, and all that jazz. I desperately want those things, and it's infinitely frustrating to constantly fight this battle for my mind.

And don't even get me started on prayer! At least when I'm reading, my eyes have something to focus on. I'm a very visual person, which helps. Praying? Not so visual. The verse example was exaggerated in that I can usually get through more Scripture than that before my mind wanders, but often my train of thought literally derails almost immediately upon striking up a conversation with my Heavenly Father.

Honestly, I don't know if many other people have this problem. I would imagine so, given the rampant problem of ADMD, which is why I decided to share on this topic. Hopefully, a few of the methods I use to combat this problem will be helpful to someone else. (And even if they're just common sense issues, I know I still find reminders helpful.)

1. Have your quiet time when it's easiest for you to focus. 

For me, this is hands down first thing in the morning. I have tried it at other times during the day to no avail. Once my brain gets going with the to-do lists, taking care of children's needs, running errands, and so forth, my brain is shot. This is not the case for everyone, like moms with newborns who don't cooperate no matter what time of day it is, but I think it's safe as a general rule. King David certainly agreed.

My dear friend once gave an object lesson that I will never forget. She used a jar, a tennis ball, and some rice. The jar represented our day, the rice our activities, and the ball was God. When we fill our day with activities (or jar with rice) first, there is literally no room remaining for God (or a tennis ball). When we fill that same day with God first (jar with a tennis ball), somehow there is now room for both God and the activities from the day. (And you guessed it, all the rice fits in around the tennis ball.)

2. Pray/read Scripture aloud.

Speaking aloud might sound silly, but it has been tremendously helpful for my spiritual life. In the Harry Potter books, Professor Dumbledore uses a bowl (pensieve) to hold memories that he removes as a silvery strand. It helps him focus more on the task at hand, and then he can go back and review said memories at his leisure. However, as I must regularly remind my ten-year-old, the Harry Potter world does not exist. And thus, all those jumbled up thoughts must remain in my brain forever (or be lost forever).

When I pray and read aloud, my thoughts do not just remain thoughts. I'm using my mouth instead of just my brain, and that makes it much more difficult to get distracted. What I'm saying trumps the other thoughts that vie for attention. As long as I keep the flow of words going, my mind doesn't wander.

3. Write down your prayer/especially meaningful Scriptures. 

The reasoning here is similar to the previous tip. It just helps your mind to focus. In the case of the Scripture, it may actually help you retain what you've read as well. Again, I'm a visual sort of gal, and it's also kind of a kinesthetic activity, since you're actively writing it down. Maybe that doesn't count as kinesthetic. I didn't last long in the education program. Or numerous other programs. Apparently I lacked focus in some ways before children as well.

The other reason I like this tip is because there's something special about going back through old prayer journals. You can see where you've had victories, where you're still fighting some of the same old battles, and where God has really blown you away with some of His responses. It's like a visible record of God's faithfulness, and it can be so encouraging to remember.

4. Keep a pen and a notepad handy.

This time the pen and paper are not for spiritual purposes at all. They're for everything else that tries to crowd out what you're reading or praying. And notice I didn't say, "Keep your phone handy." That should be kept in another room altogether.

I first remember hearing this advice as a high schooler. Good ole' Pastor Brodie was teaching about quiet times, and he gave this helpful tip. If, like me, and apparently him, your mind wants to run off to your agenda for the day, then you need not worry about forgetting those tasks. Simply write them down as they pop into your mind, and then you don't have to worry about forgetting them. You can get back to focusing on the task at hand, which is more important anyway.

5. Listen to music.

This is especially helpful if you don't manage to get in your quiet time before the household noisemakers awaken. Headphones are especially effective for drowning out distractions. (Though I don't recommend this for parents of little ones that can get into a good deal of mischief, which is ironically usually indicated by complete silence.)

There's also just something special about praise and worship as part of your quiet time routine. Music speaks in ways that nothing else can, and I believe it somehow draws us to God in a unique way. He deserves and delights in our praise. It's helpful to make a Pandora station specifically for this purpose. Thumbs up and thumbs down away!

I know none of these tips are profound, but I really do find them helpful. The Word of God is the only offensive weapon that's a part of our spiritual armor. It helps us fight back against temptation, and I for one need a lot of help in that battle.

If consistent quiet times are something you struggle with, don't lose heart! It's never too late to start, or try again (and again). This is a battle that is worth fighting. I never regret the time I spend in God's Word, only the time I didn't spend.

I'll leave you with a few verses on the subject. They speak more effectively than I can anyway.

I want to know Christ- yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings... I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:10, 14

As newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby. I Peter 2:2

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

Not just another mom guilt post

It's fairly easy to find a blog post about mom guilt. Most of the ones I've read are full of reassurances that you are not in fact the terrible mom that you think you are. You are beautiful and hard working and all manner of wonderful things. They insist you're doing the best you can.

I got thinking about this topic after a friend messaged me to say she felt guilty for giving her family cereal for dinner last week, because she had read my post about clean eating. (It was only one night, and they had gotten back from traveling.) She may have been half joking, but there are some people who really feel genuine guilt about every imperfect choice they make. It's no wonder there are so many posts about mom guilt!

Especially since it's also fairly easy to find the opposite sort of post. Posts that are guilt-inducing about how you need to do a better job with this or that. They may even imply that you will be personally responsible for the world's problems if you don't make a change or get involved right at that very moment. We've probably all had a friend whose facebook feed can be read as one giant guilt trip.

I'm not convinced that either of those responses to sin and/or bad choices are ideal.

When it comes to the reassuring posts, I think such blanket statements can be dangerous. Sometimes we really are making some big mistakes. Wake up calls can be a good thing, like my poor health report. Occasional treats and cereal for dinner after a long day are absolutely fine, but justifying consistently poor choices is not. "You're doing a great job" is not always the truth.

When it comes to the really confrontational posts, caution should be exercised there as well. The reasoning is similar. We are not all the same and shouldn't be made to feel guilty about things that genuinely aren't our responsibility. Not to mention they typically don't offer grace, which Christ always freely offers. Those who regularly criticize in this way also seem to lump every single small mistake into the same category of catastrophic importance.

There are endless examples of guilt-inducing issues: how much TV the kids watch, how much money you just blew on a shopping spree, how much quality time you spend with each kid, how consistent you are with reading to your kids, how many hours you waste on facebook each week, how long it's been since you went to the gym, how often your kids make poor choices, etc., etc. I could really go on forever.

Moderation is really the key in most of these situations. It's really not OK to always let the kids veg out in front of the TV, spend extravagantly, be too busy for your kids, and so on. But there are times when you desperately need the kids to stop distracting you, have earned a little reward, have a good reason for a brief spell of busy-ness, and so forth.

I titled this "Not just another mom guilt post" because I don't want to go to either of those extremes. I don't want to give you fluff, but I don't want to come down with an iron rod either. I guess I'm just hoping to take an honest look at this whole issue of guilt.

When it really comes down to it, we're all guilty. Even Pinterest perfect moms and pillars in the church make mistakes. It's why we need Jesus. His perfect sacrifice covers our imperfections. We neither have to work for our salvation or work for God's approval. He doesn't need us, but He offers us a chance to participate in His incredible, omniscient plan and live the best life possible.

There are some battles I fight that are a constant struggle, but guilt is one area in which Christ has provided tremendous victories for me. One real turning point for me was reading Who Holds the Key to Your Heart by Lysa TerKeurst. It's funny how you can read a Scripture passage multiple times, and it still manages to impact you tremendously and in new ways.

Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit's law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. (Rom. 8:1-2)

Lysa really emphasized the phrase "no condemnation." Christ had stopped condemning me the moment I repented and turned to Him, but I had continued in my condemnation of myself. I remember a dear mentor of mine in high school telling me that it's actually arrogant to not forgive ourselves. We place ourselves above Christ and cheapen His sacrifice that offers us genuine forgiveness. God separates us from our sin, but we act as though it's still present. His death offered us freedom from sin, not guilt because of it.

Speaking of freedom, John 8:32 is also a powerful statement.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. 

Jesus spoke those words, and He meant them. When the Son sets us free from sin, we are free indeed. There is no need for this persistent self condemnation and guilt.

So should we continue in sin so that grace can abound? Paul already told us: certainly not. But when we slip up, it is equally as wrong to dismiss the worth and significance of forgiveness. We repent and turn, and then it is finished. We are free.

Isaiah once asked me if the way I beat myself up over things was helpful. I very angrily had to concede that it was not. It never is. Guilt, like anger, is fleeting. It does not help us do better the next time around. It is not sufficient motivation for ending the cycle of sin. It can even be used as justification for our mistakes, because it gives us an excuse not to get back up and try again. We feel like we're not good enough, but the truth is we were never meant to be.

There are so many ways that Satan uses this weapon of guilt against us! It is a full blown stronghold in the lives of so many, and I say we extinguish those flaming darts with the shield of faith.

How do we do this? By seeking the truth that sets us free.

It may be that you're making some mistakes that need changing. Don't be afraid to take an honest look at your life, and ask for honest counsel from those around you. Knowing the truth will set you free from staying in your cycle of mistakes. We can't fight a problem if we won't acknowledge that it exists.

It may be that you're simply placing too many burdens on yourself, and you need to allow for some grace in your life. One mistake, and even constant mistakes, do not justify self condemnation. The truth will set you free from unrealistic expectations and allow you to depend solely on Christ for strength.

A righteous man falls and rises seven times. Don't stay down in the dirt, but do stay close to the Shepherd. His sheep hear His voice. They know Him and follow Him. Abide in Christ and learn to discern the Spirit's guidance from the devil's assault.

And by all means, seek out a body of believers who will do the same. Let's encourage each other to allow the truth to set us free.