Not just another mom guilt post

It's fairly easy to find a blog post about mom guilt. Most of the ones I've read are full of reassurances that you are not in fact the terrible mom that you think you are. You are beautiful and hard working and all manner of wonderful things. They insist you're doing the best you can.

I got thinking about this topic after a friend messaged me to say she felt guilty for giving her family cereal for dinner last week, because she had read my post about clean eating. (It was only one night, and they had gotten back from traveling.) She may have been half joking, but there are some people who really feel genuine guilt about every imperfect choice they make. It's no wonder there are so many posts about mom guilt!

Especially since it's also fairly easy to find the opposite sort of post. Posts that are guilt-inducing about how you need to do a better job with this or that. They may even imply that you will be personally responsible for the world's problems if you don't make a change or get involved right at that very moment. We've probably all had a friend whose facebook feed can be read as one giant guilt trip.

I'm not convinced that either of those responses to sin and/or bad choices are ideal.

When it comes to the reassuring posts, I think such blanket statements can be dangerous. Sometimes we really are making some big mistakes. Wake up calls can be a good thing, like my poor health report. Occasional treats and cereal for dinner after a long day are absolutely fine, but justifying consistently poor choices is not. "You're doing a great job" is not always the truth.

When it comes to the really confrontational posts, caution should be exercised there as well. The reasoning is similar. We are not all the same and shouldn't be made to feel guilty about things that genuinely aren't our responsibility. Not to mention they typically don't offer grace, which Christ always freely offers. Those who regularly criticize in this way also seem to lump every single small mistake into the same category of catastrophic importance.

There are endless examples of guilt-inducing issues: how much TV the kids watch, how much money you just blew on a shopping spree, how much quality time you spend with each kid, how consistent you are with reading to your kids, how many hours you waste on facebook each week, how long it's been since you went to the gym, how often your kids make poor choices, etc., etc. I could really go on forever.

Moderation is really the key in most of these situations. It's really not OK to always let the kids veg out in front of the TV, spend extravagantly, be too busy for your kids, and so on. But there are times when you desperately need the kids to stop distracting you, have earned a little reward, have a good reason for a brief spell of busy-ness, and so forth.

I titled this "Not just another mom guilt post" because I don't want to go to either of those extremes. I don't want to give you fluff, but I don't want to come down with an iron rod either. I guess I'm just hoping to take an honest look at this whole issue of guilt.

When it really comes down to it, we're all guilty. Even Pinterest perfect moms and pillars in the church make mistakes. It's why we need Jesus. His perfect sacrifice covers our imperfections. We neither have to work for our salvation or work for God's approval. He doesn't need us, but He offers us a chance to participate in His incredible, omniscient plan and live the best life possible.

There are some battles I fight that are a constant struggle, but guilt is one area in which Christ has provided tremendous victories for me. One real turning point for me was reading Who Holds the Key to Your Heart by Lysa TerKeurst. It's funny how you can read a Scripture passage multiple times, and it still manages to impact you tremendously and in new ways.

Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit's law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. (Rom. 8:1-2)

Lysa really emphasized the phrase "no condemnation." Christ had stopped condemning me the moment I repented and turned to Him, but I had continued in my condemnation of myself. I remember a dear mentor of mine in high school telling me that it's actually arrogant to not forgive ourselves. We place ourselves above Christ and cheapen His sacrifice that offers us genuine forgiveness. God separates us from our sin, but we act as though it's still present. His death offered us freedom from sin, not guilt because of it.

Speaking of freedom, John 8:32 is also a powerful statement.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. 

Jesus spoke those words, and He meant them. When the Son sets us free from sin, we are free indeed. There is no need for this persistent self condemnation and guilt.

So should we continue in sin so that grace can abound? Paul already told us: certainly not. But when we slip up, it is equally as wrong to dismiss the worth and significance of forgiveness. We repent and turn, and then it is finished. We are free.

Isaiah once asked me if the way I beat myself up over things was helpful. I very angrily had to concede that it was not. It never is. Guilt, like anger, is fleeting. It does not help us do better the next time around. It is not sufficient motivation for ending the cycle of sin. It can even be used as justification for our mistakes, because it gives us an excuse not to get back up and try again. We feel like we're not good enough, but the truth is we were never meant to be.

There are so many ways that Satan uses this weapon of guilt against us! It is a full blown stronghold in the lives of so many, and I say we extinguish those flaming darts with the shield of faith.

How do we do this? By seeking the truth that sets us free.

It may be that you're making some mistakes that need changing. Don't be afraid to take an honest look at your life, and ask for honest counsel from those around you. Knowing the truth will set you free from staying in your cycle of mistakes. We can't fight a problem if we won't acknowledge that it exists.

It may be that you're simply placing too many burdens on yourself, and you need to allow for some grace in your life. One mistake, and even constant mistakes, do not justify self condemnation. The truth will set you free from unrealistic expectations and allow you to depend solely on Christ for strength.

A righteous man falls and rises seven times. Don't stay down in the dirt, but do stay close to the Shepherd. His sheep hear His voice. They know Him and follow Him. Abide in Christ and learn to discern the Spirit's guidance from the devil's assault.

And by all means, seek out a body of believers who will do the same. Let's encourage each other to allow the truth to set us free.

Snarky facebook response FTW!

**Anyone is welcome to read this post, but please note that the criticisms herein are directed at the church alone. I Corinthians describes the church as the body of Christ, and it is my desire that we take this imagery to heart.** 

What comes to mind when you see the following two memes?

My guess is that your initial response depends on how you feel about homeschool versus public school. As a general rule, one's background will determine what they find abrasive and what simply rolls off their back. In my opinion, both of these examples are broad generalizations and somewhat rude.

I really don't take this type of thing too seriously, but I often wonder why Christians participate in these petty jabs. We are constantly attacking each other (and the general populace) in public forums. The barbs aren't limited to memes. You can take your pick from status updates, blog posts, tweets, completely unrelated news article comments, and more!

The fact is, this disunity spreads much wider than the realm of schooling options. Christians are unfortunately really fantastic at picking fights and exploiting weaknesses. So fantastic that you can find various memes about that, too. 

We're supposed to be known by our love, or at least that's what Jesus said a long, long time ago. I'd say we're better known for our hypocrisy and bickering.

I am absolutely not inferring that we should turn a blind eye to real problems and sing Kumbaya together. I'm simply saying that the internet is not a proper place for discussion. Maybe private messages, but even those can be easily misinterpreted. 

I think it just boils down to the fact that there is a time and place for everything. A private conversation is the time for calling someone out on a point of contention, not a passive aggressive (or just plain old aggressive) status update. 

If there is a genuine sin problem in a fellow believer's life, the most loving thing you can do for them is to hold them accountable. The wounds of a friend are faithful and beneficial. Snarky comments and pointed remarks? Not so much.  

If you're genuinely concerned about someone, sit down and have a conversation with them. Listen to them. Share Scripture with them. Get them the help they need to put a stop to whatever the problem is. We were meant to bear each other's burdens. We were meant to stir each other up toward love and good works, and we were meant to do so after removing our own beams.

If the issue is just a personal preference, like schooling choices for instance, then try considering the matter from the other person's perspective. Every single day, committed followers of Jesus Christ look at the same Scripture, pray to the same God, and come to different conclusions. Maybe that's because God actually prefers it that way. We are to be the light of the world in every realm, and that means we'll have to be involved in different realms.

Sometimes there will actually be a better choice, and that's why it is so important to not always spend our time with people who agree with us on ever issue. Iron sharpens iron. We have an opportunity to speak respectfully and still debate each other on important issues. On my husband's side of the family, every holiday inevitably results in one such debate (or several!) I must confess that I love it, and I love having friends that are willing to not only disagree but to discuss with me our differences of opinion. Growth only results from challenges. 

I know it's a daunting task, but these sorts of conversations also need to be done in humility. Philippians 2:3 instructs us to think of others as better than ourselves. Something tells me that includes their convictions as well. It's so damaging to our fellow believers when we assume that we've put more thought/prayer/etc. into our course of action than they have. 

James 3 has some good things to say on the topic as well. If we truly have the desire to impart wisdom to others, then we need to check our motives. Wisdom from God is "pure, peacable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy." 

My goodness. That list puts me to shame! Especially those willing to yield and without hypocrisy parts. My prayer is that God would continue to shape me into someone who approaches conflict in that way. My prayer is that the body of Christ as a whole would do the same.

I'm not saying don't ever post another meme. There are some pretty great ones out there.

Those are all goofball ones, but I'm not implying that we are forbidden from sharing a meaningful one. I'm not saying to tiptoe around the truth. Really, I'm not even saying not to poke fun at people, as long as you're poking fun at the group that you yourself are a part of. I guess I'm just issuing a plea to all Christians to think about the message you're sending to the rest of the world via the internet. 

I think we could use a lot less internet confrontation, and a lot more one-on-one tough love conversations. The medium of online communication is just desperately lacking in so very many ways.

So let's all use some discernment. Count the cost. Examine our motives. Consider more effective options. Reflect on how this reflects on the unity of one body. The world is watching us, and they will know us by our love. 

Why I disagree with JMU's anti-gay preacher

I have to admit that when I first saw this video posted on facebook last week, I wasn’t sure what to think about it. For anyone who doesn't care to watch it, the video shows a group of JMU students singing about the love of Jesus in response to a man whom the media dubbed a "homophobic preacher." My initial response to the title was that the singing was probably a great idea, but unfortunately I couldn’t pick up anything of consequence that the preacher was saying in this clip. I thought it could possibly be just another exaggerated use of the word homophobic.

Since then, I have seen several articles posted about the event. They helped me understand the brouhaha a little better, especially the one with a few direct quotes from the preacher that day.

"All homos are going to hell!"

"All you horny frat boys that love to do drugs and get drunk, you are going to hell!" 

But what clinched my final take on the situation was hearing the tale from the anti-gay preacher himself. Here are just a few highlights.

"Within the hour there were over 200 students in the area, and The Holy Ghost and I made sure to openly reprove and rebuke them for their sins against God, and against each other."

"...we noticed a group of students lined up holding hand made signs, which obviously were meant to judge and condemn us."

" False teachers and professing Christians (male and female) rudely interrupted me and attempted to 'preach' their little ‘sermonette’s,’seeking to undermine the preaching and the authority of God’s word which was forcefully condemning them and their selfish lifestyle. An incident including a sinful and intolerant young man playing a love song on an acoustic guitar..."

"We are thankful that God has showed us such favor, in allowing us to be used to stir up the campus and city as he did for the Kingdom of His Son."

Such an ironic choice of words from this guy...

I had the, er, privilege of reading a few of his other blog posts as well. This included the one where he reveals that Christians no longer sin. Ever. (Think I must have taken it out of context? I beg to differ.) Root problem, right there. I'm not saying we can trace all of this guy's problems back to this one belief, but I believe it says a great deal about his behavior. When someone believes that they're immune to sin, then they automatically consider any criticism as persecution from the devil. (Martyr complex, anyone?) After all, it's impossible for them to be in the wrong. Whatever pops into their mind (traveling around to multiple college campuses to rebuke students, just as a random example) becomes tantamount to the voice of God itself.

Paul himself spoke of his ongoing battle to master fleshly desires. He did what he didn't want to do and didn't do what he wanted to do. I can relate. It is my greatest desire is to daily take up my cross and follow Christ. Yet somehow, I still fall short of His best every day. Oh, but not guys like this. Somehow they've managed to achieve perfection. They're on par with God Himself. Such a foolish and dangerous belief.

Nut Job and I do agree on one point, though. God is holy. What we do not agree on is everything else. No, I take that back. He wrote a post about how that guy who predicted the end of the world in 2011 would be wrong. We agree on that point, too. 

Back to God's holiness, though. He is a holy and perfect God. I've never heard  anyone disagree that this is the Bible's claim. Romans 3:23 tells us that all have sinned and fall short of God's glory. We all need the grace and mercy provided through the death of Jesus Christ. The all-confrontation-is-bad crowd opposite Mr. Perfection errs when they fail to acknowledge that a holy God cannot abide with sin. 

I have no problem with an individual who wants to proclaim that we all need Christ. We do. But sin is not where the story ends. Preachers who focus on everything we're doing wrong give the impression that salvation is based on our works. That if homosexuals became heterosexuals and the frat boys stopped drinking and doing drugs, they would no longer be on their way to hell. That's a lie, and t
hey do injustice to the beauty of Christ's redemptive story. "Stirring up the campus" is not the equivalent of preaching the need for repentance. When God called us to be bold, I'm fairly certain He didn't mean spouting off whatever we don't like about those around us. Common sense doesn't leave as the Holy Spirit arrives.

Let's be honest. Who doesn't know that the Bible speaks out against homosexuality? I'm not saying that some don't try and explain it away, but in order to do so, you have to know it's in there.  The fact that we all fall short and need to accept the forgiveness Christ offers is probably much less well known. Still inflammatory, but exceedingly more important. Trying to purposely make people angry is not the great commission. Yelling condemnations in a public forum doesn't make you faithful- it makes you ineffective, and that's really the main point I'm trying to make here.

The most important lesson we need to take away from this news story is what sharing the Gospel should look like. It's not a pat answer, either. It's not universal, and it doesn't apply to every situation.

Paul speaks to this reality in I Corinthians:19-23. His words shed light on how exactly we are to carry out the great commission. "Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings."

People are different. They have different families, backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, life experiences, educations, cultures, and so on and so forth. My husband went on a missions trip to India a couple years ago, and it was astonishing how different the church looks over there. They express their faith differently, preach the Gospel differently, treat each other differently, and more. Not because Americans are better, but because we are different. Those who fail to recognize that people do not all learn in the same way will inevitably be ineffective ministers to anyone not similar to themselves. Any time a missionary prepares to go overseas, they learn what the culture is like where they're going. It is not immoral. It doesn't indicate that they are "watering down the truth." They want to minister in a way that the people understand, and so should we in our own country.

My theology professor described the changing of societal norms as a pendulum swing. Rather than bringing extremes to a balance, society will usually end up at the complete opposite extreme.Once upon a time, morality (though not the equivalent of faith) was widespread in America. It was preached dogmatically, and everyone everywhere felt free to be up in your business. People got tired of this and went to the other extreme, where anyone who challenged your thinking or behavior was considered judgmental or intolerant. Neither of these ways of thinking are correct.

I was recently involved in a facebook debate in which the initiator was emphasizing God's wrath over his love. One participant stated, "Frankly I much prefer someone who errs on the side of not being
nice to someone who regularly avoids telling the truth to avoid being offensive." Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why err at all? Why not just try and encompass the whole of Scripture into the way that we interact with others? We can be truthful and kind at the same time. People will still accuse you of hate, but no need to prove them right.

One fault is not lesser than the other. It is not okay to be hateful or skirt the truth. Love is always kind, AND it always speaks the truth. Just because our human nature wants to fall to one side of the spectrum does not mean that the Holy Spirit can't give us the power to maintain the proper balance. Three words: First Corinthians thirteen. Love is all those things, simultaneously! Remembering that our battle is not against flesh and blood can help maintain a proper perspective. Without love, we are the equivalent of a clanging gong.

Pointless. Without love, we are pointless. Strong words.

As a parent, I find it helpful to think of how I teach my children. I'm not saying everyone else thinks like children, rather I'm referring to my own attitude and behavior. I can disagree with my kids without resorting to name calling or threatening hellfire. I can explain why because I genuinely want them to understand, not so I can win an argument. I would never try to purposely rile up my children or ridicule them. Nor would I leave out the truth or water it down. I want them to know it, because I care about them. Accepting every behavior they exhibit would be disastrous. And yet, even with each of them, our conversation looks a little different. I teach each one differently, and I communicate love to each one differently. It is for their sake, despite the fact that it would be easiest for me to teach and love in the way that comes naturally to me.

If you're ministering to a crowd who is easily offended, and I would say on a college campus you almost certainly are, then yelling statements you know will make them angry is probably not going to draw any of them to Christ. On the opposite spectrum, only teaching that God loves everyone without emphasizing a need for repentance and surrender will not draw anyone to Christ either. At least not in a meaningful way- we don't want to sow seeds that are easily scorched by the sun or plucked up by a bird.

Thinking about this story has really challenged me. I need to do better, probably most of us do, at paying attention to the needs of others. Sometimes I need to be more patient, and sometimes I need to be bolder, firmer. It is the Holy Spirit who influences people to come to repentance, but we are the body of Christ. We are the salt and the light. We are Christ's hands and feet. We represent Him to the world.

Hypocrisy has done more damage to the cause of Christ than probably anything. The world needs to know that Christianity is not just a big show. God's promises are true. They need to know that He genuinely does change us. We still mess up (sometimes big), but it is Christ who gives us the strength to get back up again. And almost anyone can tell you, Christians are supposed to be known for our love.

We're not just zealots who want to shove our morality down others' throats. (Are we?)

We're not just trying to win arguments about whether a certain behavior is right. (Are we?)

We're not just trying to convert people to our religion. (Are we?)

We're not just trying to make everyone feel good about themselves. (Are we?)

We're not trying to define love as acceptance of sin. (Are we?)

All things to all people. I don't think it looks like sharing the gospel message only in the way that makes us feel comfortable, be that harsh or soft. The emphasis is on the receiver, not the giver. If it is genuinely out of love that we proclaim truth, then let us proclaim both truth and love.

"I do all this for the sake of the gospel..."