Not just another mom guilt post

It's fairly easy to find a blog post about mom guilt. Most of the ones I've read are full of reassurances that you are not in fact the terrible mom that you think you are. You are beautiful and hard working and all manner of wonderful things. They insist you're doing the best you can.

I got thinking about this topic after a friend messaged me to say she felt guilty for giving her family cereal for dinner last week, because she had read my post about clean eating. (It was only one night, and they had gotten back from traveling.) She may have been half joking, but there are some people who really feel genuine guilt about every imperfect choice they make. It's no wonder there are so many posts about mom guilt!

Especially since it's also fairly easy to find the opposite sort of post. Posts that are guilt-inducing about how you need to do a better job with this or that. They may even imply that you will be personally responsible for the world's problems if you don't make a change or get involved right at that very moment. We've probably all had a friend whose facebook feed can be read as one giant guilt trip.

I'm not convinced that either of those responses to sin and/or bad choices are ideal.

When it comes to the reassuring posts, I think such blanket statements can be dangerous. Sometimes we really are making some big mistakes. Wake up calls can be a good thing, like my poor health report. Occasional treats and cereal for dinner after a long day are absolutely fine, but justifying consistently poor choices is not. "You're doing a great job" is not always the truth.

When it comes to the really confrontational posts, caution should be exercised there as well. The reasoning is similar. We are not all the same and shouldn't be made to feel guilty about things that genuinely aren't our responsibility. Not to mention they typically don't offer grace, which Christ always freely offers. Those who regularly criticize in this way also seem to lump every single small mistake into the same category of catastrophic importance.

There are endless examples of guilt-inducing issues: how much TV the kids watch, how much money you just blew on a shopping spree, how much quality time you spend with each kid, how consistent you are with reading to your kids, how many hours you waste on facebook each week, how long it's been since you went to the gym, how often your kids make poor choices, etc., etc. I could really go on forever.

Moderation is really the key in most of these situations. It's really not OK to always let the kids veg out in front of the TV, spend extravagantly, be too busy for your kids, and so on. But there are times when you desperately need the kids to stop distracting you, have earned a little reward, have a good reason for a brief spell of busy-ness, and so forth.

I titled this "Not just another mom guilt post" because I don't want to go to either of those extremes. I don't want to give you fluff, but I don't want to come down with an iron rod either. I guess I'm just hoping to take an honest look at this whole issue of guilt.

When it really comes down to it, we're all guilty. Even Pinterest perfect moms and pillars in the church make mistakes. It's why we need Jesus. His perfect sacrifice covers our imperfections. We neither have to work for our salvation or work for God's approval. He doesn't need us, but He offers us a chance to participate in His incredible, omniscient plan and live the best life possible.

There are some battles I fight that are a constant struggle, but guilt is one area in which Christ has provided tremendous victories for me. One real turning point for me was reading Who Holds the Key to Your Heart by Lysa TerKeurst. It's funny how you can read a Scripture passage multiple times, and it still manages to impact you tremendously and in new ways.

Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit's law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. (Rom. 8:1-2)

Lysa really emphasized the phrase "no condemnation." Christ had stopped condemning me the moment I repented and turned to Him, but I had continued in my condemnation of myself. I remember a dear mentor of mine in high school telling me that it's actually arrogant to not forgive ourselves. We place ourselves above Christ and cheapen His sacrifice that offers us genuine forgiveness. God separates us from our sin, but we act as though it's still present. His death offered us freedom from sin, not guilt because of it.

Speaking of freedom, John 8:32 is also a powerful statement.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. 

Jesus spoke those words, and He meant them. When the Son sets us free from sin, we are free indeed. There is no need for this persistent self condemnation and guilt.

So should we continue in sin so that grace can abound? Paul already told us: certainly not. But when we slip up, it is equally as wrong to dismiss the worth and significance of forgiveness. We repent and turn, and then it is finished. We are free.

Isaiah once asked me if the way I beat myself up over things was helpful. I very angrily had to concede that it was not. It never is. Guilt, like anger, is fleeting. It does not help us do better the next time around. It is not sufficient motivation for ending the cycle of sin. It can even be used as justification for our mistakes, because it gives us an excuse not to get back up and try again. We feel like we're not good enough, but the truth is we were never meant to be.

There are so many ways that Satan uses this weapon of guilt against us! It is a full blown stronghold in the lives of so many, and I say we extinguish those flaming darts with the shield of faith.

How do we do this? By seeking the truth that sets us free.

It may be that you're making some mistakes that need changing. Don't be afraid to take an honest look at your life, and ask for honest counsel from those around you. Knowing the truth will set you free from staying in your cycle of mistakes. We can't fight a problem if we won't acknowledge that it exists.

It may be that you're simply placing too many burdens on yourself, and you need to allow for some grace in your life. One mistake, and even constant mistakes, do not justify self condemnation. The truth will set you free from unrealistic expectations and allow you to depend solely on Christ for strength.

A righteous man falls and rises seven times. Don't stay down in the dirt, but do stay close to the Shepherd. His sheep hear His voice. They know Him and follow Him. Abide in Christ and learn to discern the Spirit's guidance from the devil's assault.

And by all means, seek out a body of believers who will do the same. Let's encourage each other to allow the truth to set us free.