When sanctity of life became real to me: my heart on abortion

Life has a tendency to whiz by in a blur, but we all have some memories that are permanently etched into our minds. One such moment for me was watching my very own child via ultrasound for the first time. I was ten weeks pregnant at the time, so he still looked like a little alien. A very small, but very active little alien. But he was my alien. I called him my jumping bean. Tiny as his little arms and legs were, they were still flailing around like mad. I can picture it as though the screen were still in front of me. Life! Right there for me to see. It was one of the most thrilling moments I’ve ever experienced.

Almost nine years later, my little jumping bean is now my Stinkyface. (Don’t tell him I told you that nickname.) Not a single thing has happened in these nine years that gave my son life. Sure he needed some time to grow, and he’s still growing, but his life had already begun.  

January 22^nd marked the 41^st anniversary of the infamous Roe v. Wade decision. 41 years. That’s staggering. That’s ten years older than me. Babies have been legally murdered for 41 years in the United States of America.

Oh, God! God. Forgive us. We don’t know what we do.  

I think about my little jumping bean, all snug and warm in his safe little home. Fifty-some million other little beans (or babies at various stages all the way up through being fully viable) found out their home wasn’t a safe place to be over the past four decades here in America. An entire generation was wiped out before they had a chance to make their mark on the world. Before they were even given a chance at life.

Life! What a powerful word! When I stop to think about all that it entails, I get lost in it. I’m overwhelmed by it. It is beautiful and sacred and beyond comprehension.

I am honored to have a friend who chose life when the tough choice was hers to make. She faced an unplanned and, quite frankly, unwanted pregnancy. And that unwanted pregnancy turned into a very wanted and loved and incredible little boy. I can’t imagine life for her without him, and I can’t help but putting myself into her shoes and thinking about what my life would be like if I had chosen abortion for one of my own children.

 Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever thought about a child you know not being here? How about one of your own children? Even the imaginary scenario is enough to bring me to tears.

How many things about my life would be different if one of them weren’t here? Which one of them would I choose, if I had to pick one to live without? So many sweet, sweet memories of these little people I love so dearly. If I’d chosen to end their life before I knew them, I wouldn’t have ever experienced any of those tender moments.

I wouldn’t know the sweet smell of their little newborn head. The feel of their tiny body curled up on my chest. The look of innocence on their peaceful face as they slept. The sound of their tiny cry when they felt alarmed and yearned for mommy. I would never have even known their face! I can’t imagine not knowing, not staring endlessly, at the precious little faces of those little ones who are mine.

And that’s just the beginning.

My little jumping bean/Stinkyface is almost nine years old now. My other loves five, four, and nearly two. So, so many snuggles and giggles (my favorites.) There were first steps and first words and all those other firsts that are just as exciting with every new baby. There are new milestones and memories and good times and bad constantly in our household. We’ve had vacations and lazy days at home and even those stressful days trying to run a million errands. Challenges or no, every day was special. Every day of their life was a gift. On and on those memories go, and will continue to go.

 How could I give those all up? Even if I had never known them, how could I have given up those blessings that I knew would come along with each child?

How many mothers are out there wondering what their lives would have been like if they hadn’t chosen abortion? One quick google search will provide story after story of regret (though I don’t deny there are others who adamantly defend their decision.) I still know there are so very many mothers who count the birthdays they’ve missed. They wonder if their child’s giggles would have been soft and sweet or loud and contagious. They ache to think of all the “I wuv you mommy’s” that they’ll never get to hear. They long to hold tightly that little one that they never got to meet. They want desperately to gaze at a beautiful face that they’ll never have a chance to see in this life.

Empty arms. An empty cradle. Where there was life, now there is none. Heaven is filled with these little ones, but at what cost? Oh, God. Help us!

Help us to know there is hope for the one who feels shame or regret for the choice they have made. They need not try to hide their past. There is forgiveness and healing. There is beautiful, beautiful redemption. There is NO condemnation for those covered by the blood of Christ. Past mistakes have been separated from us and forgotten in a way that we can’t even comprehend. Speak that truth to our souls. That healing that we seek so desperately is found in You. Sometimes we are our own harshest critic, Lord. Help us to recognize that we are never out of reach of your forgiveness and grace. You offer it with no conditions. Help us to accept it. The past will ever remain in the past, and we need to take the necessary steps to move on in the present.

Help us as the body of Christ to offer the same grace that we have received. Our sin and our guilt is no less than that of another. We are just as weak, just as in need of You and your mercy. We only love You because You loved us first, and You loved us so we would love others. You comforted us in our affliction so that we can share that comfort with others. Help us to bear each other’s burdens. The church needs to be a safe place the hurting can run to, for those who are considering abortion or those who have already gone through with it.  Let us view the hurting through your eyes.

Help us to know that change in the world always, always starts by looking in the mirror. We need to be close to You, God. We need You to change our hearts. We need your Word and the Spirit to guide us. We need to abide in You, so that You will abide in us. All that is good comes from You, and we need your good to be light to the world. We can’t show the world your love when we’re rejecting it ourselves.

Help us to remember how important and effective prayer is in this battle. We say that we want you to end this tragedy, but how often do we ask you to do so? Do we really believe that our prayers count for something? That You’re listening? Help us to remember just how powerful You really are. This is THE most important action we can take to defend the innocent. We desperately need to seek both your face and your hand in this fight for life.

Help us to know how to fight this battle. Just like Bonhoeffer took a stand against the Nazis and Wilberforce against slavery, may we be counted among those who were bold enough to oppose this tragedy. Not just behind closed doors, Lord. Help us to boldly proclaim the truth about the sanctity of life. Give us leaders who have the wisdom and boldness to guide those of us who often want to do more and are unsure how to fight. We’re each accountable for the action (or non-action) we take. Help us to turn our good intentions into meaningful engagement. We can’t all be sidewalk counselors, but we can all do something. It’s not enough to want to help.

Help us not to forget how precious life really is. You knit us together… Help us to understand the implications of this glorious truth. The God of the universe formed our very existence. We are here for a reason. We are not products of chance, not clumps of cells, not punishments for mistakes. Life, and all its ups and downs, is beautiful. You make it beautiful. So teach us what it means to live like we believe this.

Help us not to give up in what seems to be an endless battle. Our easily distracted minds want to move on to the next big thing. Or we want to join in a fight that has more tangible victories. Don’t let us forget, Lord. These tiny ones can’t speak for themselves. Give us the boldness and the compassion to open our mouths and do it for them! The abortion industry is still out there, even while we’re choosing to think on lesser things, and it’s thriving. It’s hard to hang in there for the long haul, but we can’t keep sticking the knowledge of this tragedy on a back burner in our minds. We’ve got to keep up the fight!

Amidst all the bad news, sometimes we forget that that there are lives being saved out there! There are women who are choosing life for their babies. There are the faithful who pray and counsel and speak truth. They’re engaged in this warfare, and we can join them. Every life counts. We can’t keep allowing ourselves to be distracted, because God put us here for a reason. God put us here for such a time as this.

Resources for post-abortion healing:

National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing: http://www.noparh.org/

Victims of Choice: http://victimsofchoice.org/find-help/ (Only certain states are listed, but some of the centers offer long-distance help.)

A quick reminder about God’s forgiveness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4KJgrnlgLE

Food for thought:

Tough questions for pro-choicers: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/trevinwax/2012/10/24/10-questions-a-pro-choice-candidate-is-never-asked-by-the-media/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=10-questions-a-pro-choice-candidate-is-never-asked-by-the-media

Argument against abortion: http://garbandier.tumblr.com/post/74787876722/a-bakhtinian-plea-against-abortion

Euthanasia in Belgium: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/14/world/europe/belgium-close-to-enacting-sick-child-euthanasia-law.html?_r=0

Testimony of abortion survivor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOWMmx6eBjU

Ways to get involved:

Heartbeat International: http://www.heartbeatinternational.org/hbi-get-involved/ways-to-get-involved

Find a local pregnancy center: http://pregnancydecisionline.org/get-help/

Right to Life: http://www.nrlc.org/

Possible resources to help start a post-abortion recovery group: http://www.abortionrecoveryinternational.org/resources/healingresourcesforwomen/tabid/83/Default.aspx

**These lists are in no way exhaustive. Please feel free to comment with resources/organizations that you have found helpful.

If I could just control everything...

 

Today has indeed been a discouraging day. Is there anything more frustrating than a situation that’s out of your control?! Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs, and another part of me wants to bury my face in a pillow and cry.

Six years ago, my husband and I took a step of faith (or possibly naïveté) and moved to another area without selling our home. We were so convinced that God would provide a buyer in no time. There was never a doubt in our minds that we might not be making the right decision.

Fast forward to today. Six years and three selling attempts later, I sit in desperation, wondering what in the world we can possibly do to get that stinking house sold already! (Short of burning that sucker to the ground.) It’s not that we can’t do anything at all to help in the process, but ultimately we can’t force anyone to buy our home. (Unfortunately.)

In truth, desperation is not a good word to use. I’m not without hope. And really when I start to compare my problem with the truly significant ones of others, it seems pretty inconsequential. But let’s be honest- sometimes even that truth doesn’t help the frustration go away. I want our six-year problem solved, and I want it solved NOW!!

So what does one do in times like this? Aside from whining and venting about it. Inevitably, I make those poorer choices first, and then I turn to the healer of my soul. I take refuge in what I know to be true.

·         “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”( I Pet. 5:7) Despite the fact that it’s not usually my first choice, it is always a marvelous and intimate experience to pour my heart out to God. Even my closest earthly friends can’t compare. Somehow he never grows tired of hearing about the same old problems that I’m facing. He listens because he cares, and he knows that he designed me in such a way that I need to pour my heart out to him. I need to surrender my burdens, and he is more than capable of bearing them.   

 

·         “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34) Sometimes the best action to take is really a non-action. Stop stressing about it! Easier said than done, but I know from past experience that it’s not impossible. Worrying does not, I repeat, does not improve the situation.

 

·          “…but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.” (Phil. 3:13b) On a similar note, I also need not worry about the past. Honestly, I have no idea if we made the right decision initially, but I do know that there’s no way to go back and change it.  I’ve got to be honest with myself and admit that beating myself up about past decisions never solves the problem (or helps in any way whatsoever.) So when those self-condemning thoughts arise, I literally have to tell myself, “These thoughts are not helpful. They’re hurting me and my family. I’m not going to entertain them.” And then I change the subject. (On good days.)

 

·         “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Rom. 8:28) Don’t dismiss this as glib just because so many people have taken it out of context! One of the hardest lessons for me to learn throughout my life has been that God working things together for my good does NOT look like what I want it to look like. (If I’d bothered to study that chapter further, I may have saved myself some heartache.) “My good” is not the equivalent of God’s stamp of approval on the plans I’ve made for myself. Sometimes (often times) it’s the polar opposite of what I want. But I know, deep down, that God’s plans will draw me closer to Him and teach me lessons I didn’t realize I needed to learn. Sigh. I know that does not sound fun, but I also know that I’ll be grateful for it in the end.

 

·         “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Rom. 12:2) It sure would be nice if my mind just renewed automatically. Since that’s not an option, I really have to make this a priority by putting time and effort into maintaining a close relationship with God. (Women especially put much thought and effort into improving our marriage relationship, but in reality, many of us could stand to focus on our relationship with God first.) Praying and meditating on Scripture seem like such easy tasks, but somehow they often get pushed to the back burner. And yet, life is always easier when I continue to give precedence to these disciplines. Or at least I get through the chaos easier. There’s a big difference. If I want to fight the stress and negative thoughts, then I have to have my mind in the right place to begin with.

 

God is faithful. He really is. Not only is the Bible full of testimonies to his faithfulness, but so is my own story. He has proven himself time and time again. He will never forsake me, and He fills me up with peace when I surrender all this junk that I’m feeling.

Will the house ever sell? I don’t know. But it really doesn’t matter.

There are countless other situations that I won’t be able to control, so I better get used to them. When situations like this arise, it’s a battle to control my racing thoughts, calm my fears, answer my questions, etc. But it’s not a battle that I have to fight alone. It’s not a battle that I’ll ever win alone. God is here with me in the conflict. I can rest in Him and in his promises.

“Hear my cry, O God; give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Ps. 61:1-2)

On Philip Seymour Hoffman and addiction

The world lost a brilliant actor yesterday morning. Philip Seymour Hoffman may not have had an abundance of leading film roles, and you may not even recognize his name, but it is widely agreed that he was incredibly talented. (Film biography here if you’re not sure who I’m referring to: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000450/?ref_=nv_sr_3)

 In search of more details this morning, I came across a CNN article about Hoffman’s death. Such a tragedy. But leave it to the internet masses to immediately ruin my contemplative mood after reading a moving article. A great number of readers made comments consisting of sweeping judgments about the character and/or worth of a complete stranger.

For anyone who hasn’t heard, Hoffman was found dead in his underwear on the bathroom floor of his apartment, a syringe in his arm and numerous envelopes of heroin scattered throughout his home. It breaks my heart to think about the pain he must have been suffering to make him feel like he needed to cope in this way. Almost as heart-breaking are the various accusations about how foolish he was to use heroin, how selfish he was to do this to his family, or how irresponsible he was to not get help for his addiction. Angry rants from angry people.

Was he foolish to use heroin? Yes.

Was it selfish to leave his family this way? Yes.

Was he irresponsible to not get help for his addiction? Yes.

Does pointing these things out right now help Philip Seymour Hoffman, his family, and/or those struggling with drug addictions? Certainly not the former two, and from a complete stranger, probably not the latter. There is a time for public outcry of evil, but this is not it.

I’ve never heard a single person sing the praises of heroin users. A single sane person anyway. Nor have I heard a single person claim that drug addiction was unselfish or a responsible behavior.

So I pose the question…. Why try to make those points at all? Really, truly, genuinely… W-h-y???

Do comments like this make us feel like we’re making a difference in the fight against drug addiction? Do we honestly think the general public disagrees with us on those points? Do they make us feel like we’re morally superior because we’ve never been users? Among the Christian sphere, do they make us feel like we’re spreading the Gospel by denouncing one particular sin?

I really don’t know. And I would be guilty of the same heart judgments that I’m decrying if I assumed these things. So I’ll just let those making the harsh accusations search out their motivations for themselves.

And in the meantime, I pray that this tragedy will move the rest of us to compassion. There’s never been a question as to whether or not there are hurting people in the world. Or whether or not someone close to us is struggling with addictions, be they easily condemnable or socially acceptable. (There are more addicts around us than we’d care to admit.) So let’s not just sit around pointing fingers and making internet posts. (Said pointing a finger at myself.) Let’s get our hands dirty and help.

It’s hard, SO very hard to ask for help when we’re struggling. Drug addiction or not, we’re all battling something. A fact we often fail to take into account before we open our mouth to denounce the shortcomings of those around us. Jesus himself told an angry mob that whoever was without sin should be the first to cast a stone.

When someone we love is struggling, of course it is our responsibility to lovingly speak truth to them. But let’s be bold enough to approach someone personally, not just publicly denounce a wide-ranging problem. Let’s be brutally honest, but also kind. The truth will hurt enough on its own. And let’s be the kind of friends who stay around to help through the long haul. Maybe even for a lifetime.

I’ve heard incredible stories of individuals who have overcome addictions, but I can’t recall any that didn’t involve another character in the story who was holding that individual accountable. Someone who opened both their eyes and their heart to them. Someone who took the time to get involved in their life. Someone who was willing to ask awkward questions. Someone who endured through the ups and downs. Someone who supported rather than condemned. Someone who took the time to be a part of the solution to the problem rather than just point out the obvious reality of the problem. Someone who stopped yelling insults from the sidelines and got involved in the game.

That is how we fight to keep more tragic stories from being told.

(Clearly this is not a definitive list of how to help someone break free from addictions as serious as Hoffman’s, but I think it’s a good place to start.)