Thy Word is a swift kick unto my pants

Did you know that if you type "the Bible is" in the google search bar, the first suggestion is "b*llsh*t"? (You do now.)

Well, they don't use the asterisks, but you get the picture. When I stop and think about that, it breaks my heart. One of my deepest desires is to help others draw closer to Christ, and reading the Word of God is one of the best ways to get to know Him. One of my favorite descriptions of the Bible is found in Hebrews 4. 

12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. 

Kind of makes you feel uncomfortable, right? Like, "Sheesh, could I have a little privacy here? I'd prefer to keep those thoughts and attitudes to myself, thank you very much." So I guess I can understand why many folks aren't exactly eager to read it. 

Getting to know God reminds me of getting to know a person, though. Conversation is usually a little awkward at first, or at the least forced. We don't want to lay our souls bare before someone we've only just met (and not just because they'll think we're crazy if we do). Gradually we open up more and more, and eventually it becomes a relief to do so. We enjoy the freedom that comes with sharing and the intimacy of being known. It's still unpleasant to be completely honest at times, but it's good for us like medicine.

That's what a relationship with God is like, and that includes reading what He has to say in the Word. Several days ago I had a rather painful sword-piercing experience while reading in the Psalms. (Yep, still reading through them if you saw my last post.) This time it was Psalm 63:3-5 that provided a rather swift kick in the pants.

3 Because your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You.
4 Thus I will bless You while I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
5 My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

In the words of Princess Anna, "Wait, what?" 

I had to stop reading for a while and think about that last verse, especially the phrase I emphasized. It seemed to echo in my mind. My soul shall be satisfied. That one hit me right between the soul and the spirit.  

As a perfectionist, satisfaction can be hard to come by. I seem to constantly focus on what could be better, which is sometimes good, but not usually in the way I do it. If I had to name my most hypocritical parenting behavior, it would be that I'm constantly telling my children to stop whining about what they don't have and be thankful for what they do have.  

Do I follow my own advice? Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I do because I'm not typically a complainer. I don't post a lot of whiny facebook updates or (usually) go on and on to others about how difficult my life is. That means I'm doing pretty good, right? Well, not when it comes to that whole soul being laid bare thing. Not if I want to hold myself up to the standard of "my soul shall be satisfied." 

If I were to be honest, I would have to admit that I'm a pretty critical person, even if that criticism is most often directed toward my immediate family. I have rather lofty expectations for myself, my husband, and my children. I often overlook our positives in my quest to root out all of our flaws. I often forget to express gratitude or praise for these dear ones in my efforts to help them grow and improve. (Yeah, you thought I was a better mom than I actually am, didn't you?)

Lately, I have been even more discontent than usual. I'm tired of moving! Moving once was difficult enough, but then I made some great friends and had to move away from them again. (Curse you, Crossbridge friends, for making me feel so loved!) In all honesty, I'm lonely here, and I'm finding it difficult to make connections. I've been praying about it a lot and feeling much too sorry for myself.  I justify my self-pity with the knowledge that soon I'll have some friends to share life with, and then I'll be joyful again.

Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I don't ever learn from the past. 

No, Beka, you fool. Friends will not satisfy. Perfection won't either (if there were such a thing). Grateful, self-motivated children will not. A husband who takes out the trash and always remembers what I tell him will not. Nothing in my entire life that I ever thought would satisfy me did, save the living water of Jesus Christ. 

So why do I thirst again? Well, I've been lied to, just like we all have. I've been told by the father of lies and my own sinful flesh that if I only had this, then I would be satisfied. 

News flash: Once you get whatever "this" is, you'll only find something else that you need. Jesus is the only one who can give us lasting joy and peace.

If this is something you struggle with, don't be discouraged. We all have to be reminded of the truth from time to time.  Right after those verses about God's Word piercing us and laying us bare, we find hope in Jesus. 

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have One who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet He did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I needed my kick in the pants, and I got it. Now I need the mercy and grace of a God who understands my weakness to help me say in my time of need, "My soul shall be satisfied."

And He will give it.