That kid really pushes my buttons

Monday was my sassy little spitfire’s sixth birthday. Birthdays have a way of making me slow down and take time to reflect on my kids’ lives. (Which I also do at other times. Stop being so quick to judge! Sheesh.) 

I have so many special memories with that girl. I still remember the first night she was born. I had the hardest time falling asleep that night, despite the fact that she slept pretty peacefully, as far as newborns go. I kept crawling down to the foot of the bed where she was sleeping in her rolling hospital bassinet. Her beautiful little face was just begging to be gazed upon one more time. I was smitten by her. I still am.

Ok now you can judge me, though, because in truth one of my main reflections on Monday was about just how often that pretty girl pushes my buttons. She really knows how to get under my skin, and she purposely or inadvertently does so on a regular basis. She’s a smart little booger, I’ll give her that.

One of my favorite examples of this was the time we ate breakfast together as a family at a pancake house. Truth be told, we only went there because we took too long getting ready and missed McDonald’s breakfast hours. Nevertheless, we decided it would be a special treat to eat at a sit down restaurant, so I was certain my kids would be grateful for the privilege. Ha. The conversation that followed between my daughter and I went a little something like this…

“Why aren’t we eating at McDonald’s? You SAID we were going to get pancakes at McDonald’s.”

“We took too long getting ready. This is a pancake house. You can get pancakes here. They’re even better than McDonald’s. Stop complaining.”

“But I wanted pancakes from McDonald’s. I’m not going to eat anything here.”

“Fine! Then you can watch all of us eat pancakes in front of you!”

*A peaceful thirty seconds passes by*

“Mommy, are you going to get pancakes?”

“No, I’ll probably get bacon and eggs.”

“Well, then you won’t ALL be eating pancakes in front of me.”

Burn…

If I demonstrate any sort of flaw or inconsistency, this girl jumps on the chance to point it out. She also loves to argue, as she unfortunately comes from a long line of arguers. It doesn’t matter what the truth is, only what her opinion is. She’s currently in a time out for not dropping an argument. She just pushes and pushes and pushes! 

(And now as I sit down to write this again, she has accused me of only ever making foods that I like for dinner and insisting that she wasn’t pushing the keyboard numbers that she was running her fingers along when I asked her to stop, both within ten seconds of each other. Prime examples of my fault-finding girl’s behavior.)

Sometimes I like to stick it to her. I want to prove that I’m right, and she’s wrong. Especially if the argument is easily winnable. (E.g. She accused me of forgetting to buy more cereal, when I actually remembered.) It’s pretty satisfying in the moment to gloat and lecture. (Or to slam that cereal box down in front of her! Booyah!) Not so satisfying when I think about what lesson I was teaching her later.

This is just one of those battles that I lose much too often! I keep telling myself to be more patient the next time around. She’s learning from me. She’s watching my every move. (I know this, because she reminds me constantly.) Her choices are still her responsibility, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s my responsibility to teach her. Everything I do teaches her a lesson, be it good or bad. She’s my gift from God, and I want to take care of her as such.

There’s a better way to teach my girl how to avoid pointless arguments than by participating in the arguing myself. There’s a better way to show her that she doesn’t always need to be right than to try and always be right myself. There’s a better way to teach her to control her temper than to quickly lose mine. There’s a better way to teach her to stop continually criticizing everyone than for me to continually criticize her behavior. 

My mind jumps to the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23, especially the patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. My list often seems to more closely resemble quick-temperedness, rudeness, sarcasm, and agitation. 

The subsequent three verses are also fitting for this discussion. “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”

Burn again, but at least it makes me stop and think about what my problem is. So to break it down verse by verse…

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” That prideful, hot-headed flesh of mine has been nailed to the cross. It fights to be revived, but I don’t have to live like that. I don’t have to keep making the same mistakes. I love this phrase from Philippians 3:13, “forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.” Mistakes have been made, and now it’s time to move on. 

 I also love the lyrics from “Before the Throne of God Above.” (If you want to listen to it...)

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end of all my sin

Burn again, but this time totally in my favor. No need for despair. This is a battle I can win!!

“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Truth be told, I haven’t been very faithful to keep in step with the Spirit as of late. Ironically enough, Little Miss Argument is the child who most often stays in step with me, and I mean that literally. Two of my kids are always lagging behind, and my youngest is always running up ahead, both of which can be irritating or even dangerous. The closer they are to me, the better I can protect them, and the better they can hear my instructions. They’re less likely to get into trouble, and even if they do, I’m right there to help. (So many lessons about God can be learned from parenting.)

 I seem to go in cycles when it comes to keeping in step with the Spirit. Faithfully reading the Scripture and praying turns into sporadic reading and distracted praying. The things I want to do, I don’t do. But I can do them. Once again, I can put my past behind me and press on. I need to be close to God, so I can naturally develop these fruits of the Spirit. When I abide in Him, He abides in me.

“Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” This probably sounds judgmental, but I’m including myself when I say that I think a lot of parents struggle with pride when it comes to their kids. I shouldn’t back down from every argument that my little antagonist offers, but the opposite is also true. I shouldn’t immediately silence her and assume that I’m right, either. I want her to ask questions. I want her to know why she has to obey. My rules, and God’s rules, are for her protection. She needs to know this. And sometimes, she really is right.

That brings me to the provoking part of this verse. Even though she’s sometimes right, she usually has a terrible attitude, which also makes her wrong. And truthfully, my attitude often makes me wrong when I’m right. I’m constantly provoking her, just like she’s constantly provoking me. Not good. This verse is speaking to the general population, but twice in the New Testament the instruction comes specifically to parents- do not provoke your children. God knew we’d need to hear it. We’re quick to spout off “Children, obey your parents,” but are we just as quick to remember the verse to parents that comes next? I’m sure not.   

One way I personally need to work on combating this problem is by verbalizing the positives about my daughter. She constantly hears correction, and needs it, but she also needs to hear what she's doing right. Kids need to be praised by their parents. Not about every little thing, especially since this smart girl knows when I'm being disingenuous. She does need to have something to strive for, though. God rejoices over me and constantly reassures me of my worth, and I need to pass that along to her as well. 

Parenting, just like so very many other issues, is a matter of the heart. My heart has got to be in the right place when I correct my belligerent beauty. Without love, I’m just a clanging cymbal. Even with love, she probably thinks I sound like a clanging cymbal, but at least I know I’m giving it my all. At least I know I’m demonstrating the kind of patience, gentleness, and kindness that my heavenly Father has mercifully given to me.

I want all of my children to know how the power of the Spirit can transform my attitude, because they need to know how it can transform theirs. They need to know all this God talk isn’t just talk. When they get older and move into that stage when they question all they were ever taught, I want them to have something to fall back on. More than anyone else I’ll come into contact with, I want my children to see Christ in me. I want to be able to say to them in all honesty, “Imitate me, as I also imitate Christ.”