Maybe it's simply because it has been quite a while since I've heard a story with such a heartbreaking conclusion. My husband is forbidden from repeating stories like this to me. A missing child is just about every mom's worst nightmare, and I'm no exception to that rule.
Maybe it's because my husband worked in Pulaski County for several years, which is where this tragedy took place. We have many fond memories there. I could picture the town every time I read an update on the story.
Maybe it's because Noah was the same age as my daughter. He had chubby cheeks and an adorable smile, just like her. With the empathy of a fellow mom, I lifted this sweet child up in prayer constantly during the days he was missing.
This morning in particular, it's likely because my first grader is on a field trip that I was unable to chaperone. No little siblings allowed this time around, and Daddy had to work. My baby is out there in the big, bad world, and I'm not there to protect her.
I've been praying constantly since I dropped my sweetheart off at school this morning. I understand that they will have other responsible adult chaperones. I understand that there isn't a child predator lurking on every street corner. I am even aware that there is a great, big, omnipotent God watching over my girl better than I ever could.
Why is this such a struggle for me? Am I the only one who can't stop worst case scenarios from racing through mind at times like this? Somehow I think I'm not alone.
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| 10 points for spotting Olaf's photo bomb |
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. Psalm 56:3
I can't deny it. I am afraid.
There may not be a child predator on every corner, but the fact remains that there are child predators. It may not be likely that something bad will happen to my child, but the fact remains that sometimes bad things do happen to children. God will absolutely be watching over my baby, but sometimes God does have plans that we don't like and don't understand.
And yet, this morning I stumbled across...
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.
In God (I will praise His Word), in God I have put my trust; I will not fear.
In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid.
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast...
How can God tell me not to be afraid when I know that something bad can still happen? How can I trust a God who allows so much evil in the world? Is it even possible to have a steadfast heart?
I don't do numbered lists very often, but here are a few thoughts I've had today.
1. Understand that God has our best interests at heart.
There was a time when I viewed God much like He is portrayed in Abba's "Winner Takes It All". I thought Him to be cold and calculating at worst, or only concerned with His own glory and power at best. Thus I believed we were merely pawns in some colossal chess match. There is too much both in Scripture and in life to accept these ideas as truth, though.
God neither rolls the dice nor constantly schemes to test and try us. Satan does, but God is there providing strength for the trials. Rest assured that our victories bring Him glory, but also know that our lives are not a haphazard experiment in which He tests hypotheses of what will happen if He keeps changing the variables.
God formed us, both parent and child, in the womb. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He has written an elaborate and intricate love story across the pages of history and allowed each of us to take a role in it. I think it's safe to say that He won't leave our children's safety to chance.
If you have a hard time believing that, I encourage you to put God to the test. He won't prove that everything in your life will suddenly fall into place, but He will prove that He will walk you through the storms. I speak Psalm 34:8 from experience.
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.
2. Understand that God runs the world. (Sorry, Beyoncé.)
Ultimately, I still have to remember that my child is God's creation, not mine. Sure I've been given the incredible privilege and responsibility to raise them, but at some point I have to acknowledge that I am not in control. My presence does not ensure their protection any more than my absence guarantees their doom. God is writing our story, and He's kind of a good author.
When my oldest son was two, I lost him at a public park. A complete stranger found him standing in the middle of the street. When I emotionally recounted the tale to my friend, she reminded me that God is always with our children. Since that time, my kids have had multiple life-threatening experiences. They have choked (I'm talking Heimlich severity), nearly drowned (my sister noticed and saved my daughter), almost stepped in front of a speeding car (literally inches away), been diagnosed with a heart abnormality (that miraculously disappeared), and more.
Thinking back on all these experiences, I'm just in awe of God's hand of protection in the lives of my children. And quite frankly, I'm more than a little embarrassed to admit that I still struggle with worry. God is stronger than anything in this world. (You know, the world He created by speaking.)
But there's still that pesky reality of bad things happening in this world.
3. Understand that worry is not a demonstration of love.
Most of you that read my blog will agree with me on the first two points, though everyone needs occasional reminders like myself. I hope that you will agree with me on the third point as well.
I still remember the first time someone pointed it out to me. It was a Wednesday evening service at Lynchburg First Church of the Nazarene, and Pastor Cavan was leading a group discussion on worry. I recall hearing an incredulous voice express the notion that some people actually believed it was their responsibility to worry. That they felt something bad would certainly happen if they didn't. That it would be unkind to their loved ones if they didn't worry about them.
It was like a slap in the face. That was me! In that moment, the absurdity of my way of thinking became clear. I silently broke down in tears in the middle of that group. I had been willingly bearing the weight of responsibility for so very many things that were beyond my control. That's what worry is, really. We take a burden that God willingly and ably carries, and we end up being overwhelmed by the weight of it.
That's probably why Peter chose the description "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."
Update: My sweet girl is home from school now. There she is all safe and sound.
Honestly, I don't think most of us will ever be completely worry free. There will eventually be another tragic story that none of us want to hear or dangerous situation that our kids will have to face. Don't let these things discourage you. Use them as an opportunity to "cast your cares," and grow closer to the God who is in control.
The words of Jesus to the disciples so very many years ago still ring true today.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
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