Movin' on up!

Hello everyone! Just wanted to make a public service announcement for those of you folks who have subscribed to this blog via email. While this blog will remain online (at least for now), I won't be posting anything new here.

The blog has moved here! It has been redesigned, thanks to Christie Potter Design! If you would like to continue to receive posts via email, you will need to subscribe in the box at the right on the new home page. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read these posts. I hope you will continue!

Attention Deficit Mom Disorder (ADMD)

What was I talking about again?

Ah, right. Attention Deficit Mom Disorder.

It's a wonder I get anything accomplished in life, because I spend at least half the day wandering around the house trying to remember what I was doing and/or looking for something that I've misplaced. (Or more often, that one of my children or husband has moved somewhere else.)

It's never had any disastrous consequences. Just the usual milk stuck into the cabinet, leaving the laundry in the washing machine for several days and having to rewash it, making a detailed grocery list and leaving it at home, taking the dirty dishes to the bathroom sink, starting and not finishing ten different household tasks. That sort of thing.

I am a kindred spirit to the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz. In fact, I sing his theme song on a regular basis. ♫ If I only had a brain... ♫

I still remember the days when I could focus. It was a wonderful feeling, really. One that I took for granted, though I appreciate such moments of clarity now. They may be few and far between, but that just makes me appreciate them all the more.

I posted a facebook status about my ADMD once, and a friend of mine commented with a link to this poem. It was rather timely, and I think about it often when I'm frustrated by my scatter-brainedness. I am not alone in this disorder, and that brings me comfort.

One of the ways this lack of focus has greatly affected me is during my morning quiet time. Far too often, my inner dialogue has gone something like this:

In those days John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness of Judea... I wonder if he actually got to the point where he enjoyed eating locusts. He had a reputation for eating them, so it couldn't have just been a one time deal. Did he enjoy them once he got used to the crunchiness? Did he cook them? Bah, must concentrate...

and saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!" For this is he who was...Oh! I need to remember to sign that permission slip. The deadline is today. Today is story time at the library, too. Gotta remember that after I drop the kids off, so we can get ready in time. Argh! Need to focus on what I'm reading!

That's not an exact scenario, but I think you get the point. I have a hard time concentrating on what I'm reading, which makes it pretty difficult to glean wisdom, hide God's Word in my heart, be ready to give an answer to those who ask, and all that jazz. I desperately want those things, and it's infinitely frustrating to constantly fight this battle for my mind.

And don't even get me started on prayer! At least when I'm reading, my eyes have something to focus on. I'm a very visual person, which helps. Praying? Not so visual. The verse example was exaggerated in that I can usually get through more Scripture than that before my mind wanders, but often my train of thought literally derails almost immediately upon striking up a conversation with my Heavenly Father.

Honestly, I don't know if many other people have this problem. I would imagine so, given the rampant problem of ADMD, which is why I decided to share on this topic. Hopefully, a few of the methods I use to combat this problem will be helpful to someone else. (And even if they're just common sense issues, I know I still find reminders helpful.)

1. Have your quiet time when it's easiest for you to focus. 

For me, this is hands down first thing in the morning. I have tried it at other times during the day to no avail. Once my brain gets going with the to-do lists, taking care of children's needs, running errands, and so forth, my brain is shot. This is not the case for everyone, like moms with newborns who don't cooperate no matter what time of day it is, but I think it's safe as a general rule. King David certainly agreed.

My dear friend once gave an object lesson that I will never forget. She used a jar, a tennis ball, and some rice. The jar represented our day, the rice our activities, and the ball was God. When we fill our day with activities (or jar with rice) first, there is literally no room remaining for God (or a tennis ball). When we fill that same day with God first (jar with a tennis ball), somehow there is now room for both God and the activities from the day. (And you guessed it, all the rice fits in around the tennis ball.)

2. Pray/read Scripture aloud.

Speaking aloud might sound silly, but it has been tremendously helpful for my spiritual life. In the Harry Potter books, Professor Dumbledore uses a bowl (pensieve) to hold memories that he removes as a silvery strand. It helps him focus more on the task at hand, and then he can go back and review said memories at his leisure. However, as I must regularly remind my ten-year-old, the Harry Potter world does not exist. And thus, all those jumbled up thoughts must remain in my brain forever (or be lost forever).

When I pray and read aloud, my thoughts do not just remain thoughts. I'm using my mouth instead of just my brain, and that makes it much more difficult to get distracted. What I'm saying trumps the other thoughts that vie for attention. As long as I keep the flow of words going, my mind doesn't wander.

3. Write down your prayer/especially meaningful Scriptures. 

The reasoning here is similar to the previous tip. It just helps your mind to focus. In the case of the Scripture, it may actually help you retain what you've read as well. Again, I'm a visual sort of gal, and it's also kind of a kinesthetic activity, since you're actively writing it down. Maybe that doesn't count as kinesthetic. I didn't last long in the education program. Or numerous other programs. Apparently I lacked focus in some ways before children as well.

The other reason I like this tip is because there's something special about going back through old prayer journals. You can see where you've had victories, where you're still fighting some of the same old battles, and where God has really blown you away with some of His responses. It's like a visible record of God's faithfulness, and it can be so encouraging to remember.

4. Keep a pen and a notepad handy.

This time the pen and paper are not for spiritual purposes at all. They're for everything else that tries to crowd out what you're reading or praying. And notice I didn't say, "Keep your phone handy." That should be kept in another room altogether.

I first remember hearing this advice as a high schooler. Good ole' Pastor Brodie was teaching about quiet times, and he gave this helpful tip. If, like me, and apparently him, your mind wants to run off to your agenda for the day, then you need not worry about forgetting those tasks. Simply write them down as they pop into your mind, and then you don't have to worry about forgetting them. You can get back to focusing on the task at hand, which is more important anyway.

5. Listen to music.

This is especially helpful if you don't manage to get in your quiet time before the household noisemakers awaken. Headphones are especially effective for drowning out distractions. (Though I don't recommend this for parents of little ones that can get into a good deal of mischief, which is ironically usually indicated by complete silence.)

There's also just something special about praise and worship as part of your quiet time routine. Music speaks in ways that nothing else can, and I believe it somehow draws us to God in a unique way. He deserves and delights in our praise. It's helpful to make a Pandora station specifically for this purpose. Thumbs up and thumbs down away!

I know none of these tips are profound, but I really do find them helpful. The Word of God is the only offensive weapon that's a part of our spiritual armor. It helps us fight back against temptation, and I for one need a lot of help in that battle.

If consistent quiet times are something you struggle with, don't lose heart! It's never too late to start, or try again (and again). This is a battle that is worth fighting. I never regret the time I spend in God's Word, only the time I didn't spend.

I'll leave you with a few verses on the subject. They speak more effectively than I can anyway.

I want to know Christ- yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings... I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:10, 14

As newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby. I Peter 2:2

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

Not just another mom guilt post

It's fairly easy to find a blog post about mom guilt. Most of the ones I've read are full of reassurances that you are not in fact the terrible mom that you think you are. You are beautiful and hard working and all manner of wonderful things. They insist you're doing the best you can.

I got thinking about this topic after a friend messaged me to say she felt guilty for giving her family cereal for dinner last week, because she had read my post about clean eating. (It was only one night, and they had gotten back from traveling.) She may have been half joking, but there are some people who really feel genuine guilt about every imperfect choice they make. It's no wonder there are so many posts about mom guilt!

Especially since it's also fairly easy to find the opposite sort of post. Posts that are guilt-inducing about how you need to do a better job with this or that. They may even imply that you will be personally responsible for the world's problems if you don't make a change or get involved right at that very moment. We've probably all had a friend whose facebook feed can be read as one giant guilt trip.

I'm not convinced that either of those responses to sin and/or bad choices are ideal.

When it comes to the reassuring posts, I think such blanket statements can be dangerous. Sometimes we really are making some big mistakes. Wake up calls can be a good thing, like my poor health report. Occasional treats and cereal for dinner after a long day are absolutely fine, but justifying consistently poor choices is not. "You're doing a great job" is not always the truth.

When it comes to the really confrontational posts, caution should be exercised there as well. The reasoning is similar. We are not all the same and shouldn't be made to feel guilty about things that genuinely aren't our responsibility. Not to mention they typically don't offer grace, which Christ always freely offers. Those who regularly criticize in this way also seem to lump every single small mistake into the same category of catastrophic importance.

There are endless examples of guilt-inducing issues: how much TV the kids watch, how much money you just blew on a shopping spree, how much quality time you spend with each kid, how consistent you are with reading to your kids, how many hours you waste on facebook each week, how long it's been since you went to the gym, how often your kids make poor choices, etc., etc. I could really go on forever.

Moderation is really the key in most of these situations. It's really not OK to always let the kids veg out in front of the TV, spend extravagantly, be too busy for your kids, and so on. But there are times when you desperately need the kids to stop distracting you, have earned a little reward, have a good reason for a brief spell of busy-ness, and so forth.

I titled this "Not just another mom guilt post" because I don't want to go to either of those extremes. I don't want to give you fluff, but I don't want to come down with an iron rod either. I guess I'm just hoping to take an honest look at this whole issue of guilt.

When it really comes down to it, we're all guilty. Even Pinterest perfect moms and pillars in the church make mistakes. It's why we need Jesus. His perfect sacrifice covers our imperfections. We neither have to work for our salvation or work for God's approval. He doesn't need us, but He offers us a chance to participate in His incredible, omniscient plan and live the best life possible.

There are some battles I fight that are a constant struggle, but guilt is one area in which Christ has provided tremendous victories for me. One real turning point for me was reading Who Holds the Key to Your Heart by Lysa TerKeurst. It's funny how you can read a Scripture passage multiple times, and it still manages to impact you tremendously and in new ways.

Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit's law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. (Rom. 8:1-2)

Lysa really emphasized the phrase "no condemnation." Christ had stopped condemning me the moment I repented and turned to Him, but I had continued in my condemnation of myself. I remember a dear mentor of mine in high school telling me that it's actually arrogant to not forgive ourselves. We place ourselves above Christ and cheapen His sacrifice that offers us genuine forgiveness. God separates us from our sin, but we act as though it's still present. His death offered us freedom from sin, not guilt because of it.

Speaking of freedom, John 8:32 is also a powerful statement.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. 

Jesus spoke those words, and He meant them. When the Son sets us free from sin, we are free indeed. There is no need for this persistent self condemnation and guilt.

So should we continue in sin so that grace can abound? Paul already told us: certainly not. But when we slip up, it is equally as wrong to dismiss the worth and significance of forgiveness. We repent and turn, and then it is finished. We are free.

Isaiah once asked me if the way I beat myself up over things was helpful. I very angrily had to concede that it was not. It never is. Guilt, like anger, is fleeting. It does not help us do better the next time around. It is not sufficient motivation for ending the cycle of sin. It can even be used as justification for our mistakes, because it gives us an excuse not to get back up and try again. We feel like we're not good enough, but the truth is we were never meant to be.

There are so many ways that Satan uses this weapon of guilt against us! It is a full blown stronghold in the lives of so many, and I say we extinguish those flaming darts with the shield of faith.

How do we do this? By seeking the truth that sets us free.

It may be that you're making some mistakes that need changing. Don't be afraid to take an honest look at your life, and ask for honest counsel from those around you. Knowing the truth will set you free from staying in your cycle of mistakes. We can't fight a problem if we won't acknowledge that it exists.

It may be that you're simply placing too many burdens on yourself, and you need to allow for some grace in your life. One mistake, and even constant mistakes, do not justify self condemnation. The truth will set you free from unrealistic expectations and allow you to depend solely on Christ for strength.

A righteous man falls and rises seven times. Don't stay down in the dirt, but do stay close to the Shepherd. His sheep hear His voice. They know Him and follow Him. Abide in Christ and learn to discern the Spirit's guidance from the devil's assault.

And by all means, seek out a body of believers who will do the same. Let's encourage each other to allow the truth to set us free.

Clean eating: for the birds?

I know I should eat healthy food. Really, I do. I doubt Paul had diet and exercise in mind when he wrote to the Romans about doing what he didn't want to do and not doing what he did want to do, but I sure could apply those verses to this situation.

It's not even that I don't like to eat healthy food. I just don't like preparing said healthy food. Plus, I hate cleaning all the extra dishes required to prepare the food. Then there's having to go to the grocery store more often to buy the fresh food.

While I would love to lose some weight, that's not really why I'm thinking about this subject. I need to eat better according to my doctor. Apparently chocolate bars and potato chips should not be mainstays of a balanced diet, and folding laundry does not count as exercise. Rats.

About a month ago, I got some thyroid blood test results back. (I've had hypothyroidism for about nine years now.) Unbeknownst to me, my doctor had also requested some vials to check my cholesterol and sugar levels. Doctors are sneaky like that. In addition to my thyroid levels being unsatisfactory, the other two were not so great either. Like, you need to make some major changes now, not so great. It's not wonderful to hear words like heart attack, stroke, and pre-diabetic. This junk just got real.

I've always known that I should be health conscious, but it was more of a back burner topic in my mind. Even when I did make it a priority, somehow I always managed to make excuses and eventually end up right back where I started. I just kept pushing it off, not always consciously, thinking I'd get serious about it someday. Well, someday is now today.

The verse that jumps out to me concerning this subject is I Corinthians 6:12.

All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. 

There's a fine line between enjoying our freedom and abusing it, and I think I crossed that line. Just being honest. It seems such a silly thing for food to be one's master, but I guess you could say that about any addiction. For the sake of my children, for the sake of my own health, and for the sake of bringing honor to a God who can break every chain, I am committed to making a change in this area.

My main reason for telling you all this is pretty selfish. I just need accountability. I need to tell others that I'm making this commitment so they can judge me when they see me eating a Big Mac. OK, maybe that's not exactly what I have in mind, but the point is that I work harder on my goals when I know that others might ask me about them. Maybe that's wrong, and it's just the people pleaser in me, but God says some pretty awesome things about believers holding each other accountable and bearing each other's burdens. Woe to him who falls and doesn't have anyone to help him up- that sort of thing.

My secondary reason is pretty consistent with why I write this blog at all. I want to encourage anyone else who is facing a similar battle. Addictions are nasty little buggers. They take our time and attention and hack away at our self-control. They're a pretty effective weapon used by the old prowling lion himself. If you struggle with a food addiction, or any addiction at all, I encourage you to seek some accountability as well.

To get the ball rolling for my diet accountability, I participated in a clean eating challenge. The point of the group wasn't to lose weight or count calories, but rather to learn how to really nourish our bodies. Clean eating is getting to be a pretty popular catchphrase, but it really just means eating food the way God created it. Goodbye preservatives and hello fresh!

The clean eating part only lasted five days, but the group actually kicked off five days beforehand. Our coaches posted motivational/instructional videos, menus, and helpful tips for making lasting lifestyle changes. I personally found one of the most helpful tips to be shopping for organic and health foods at Big Lots, because the expense of all this healthy eating has always been one of my favorite excuses. I found so much good stuff there (like organic quinoa mac and cheese), and I say three cheers for convenience.

Honestly, I dreaded the challenge, which is exactly why I needed it. I find comfort in food, and sometimes I feel like I can't function without it. It's a vicious cycle, because I also can't function properly with it. I get easily overwhelmed, can't focus, and I lack the energy to be the mom I've been called to be. So even while loathing the upcoming modifications to my diet and my schedule, it comes down to the matter of accountability again, which I know I need to make a real change.

I mostly made it through without cheating. I failed to adequately prepare for our road trip one day, which resulted in the partaking of some drive-thru goodness junk. I won't pretend like I enjoyed the challenge. There were some pretty unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. On the third day, I had the worst migraine I've ever had, came super close to vomiting, and eventually just locked myself in a dark bedroom for several hours when my husband came home. A nap, healthy snack, and a large dose of Advil brought me back to the land of the living. The cravings for junk didn't stop after that, but at least the effects of withdrawal seemed to dissipate.

I also won't pretend that I've been eating completely clean in the weeks following, because I have not done as well since the challenge ended. However, I haven't completely reverted to my former ways either. To keep the accountability ball rolling, I joined a fitness and health community called Nourish 927. This group is led by Danielle, one of the leaders of my original clean eating challenge.

The page that I've linked to here is the general community, but there is also the option to take things one step further and participate in the accountability group within this group, which is what I'm doing. Every single day, Danielle asks us about our food choices. Daily participation is obviously optional, but I've made it my goal to post all my choices each and every day. Slippery slope argument or not, I know I'll gradually stop altogether if I start skipping.

I cannot tell you how much this group has helped already. I'm not going to keep grabbing handfuls of Cheez-Its or chocolate chips all day long if I know I'm going to have to admit that I did so. I am absolutely not perfect, but I'm making small changes. Gaining consistency in just one choice at a time gives me encouragement to continue the fight, and that's a big deal for me. I have a tendency to give up when I blow it for a day, but Danielle has promised to not give up on me. 

Speaking of Danielle, she is living proof that genuine, lasting changes can be made. She would be the first to tell you that this has healthy diet and fitness commitment has not always been part of her own life. Frustrated by her own health challenges and not wanting to pass along poor habits to her own kids, she and her husband completely overhauled their lifestyle choices. The changes they saw in themselves prompted them to share their story and encourage others to make health a priority as well, hence the establishment of Nourish 927. Just seeing her consistent, motivational posts gives me the hope that I can get there someday as well.

If you are interested in joining this community, it's open to anyone. Danielle is always happy to answer questions and give helpful tips. I know because I keep pestering her with mine!

I know this is still going to be a long and difficult journey. Heck, I haven't even started the exercise part yet. I'm working on it. (And by working on it, I mean daydreaming about my bike sitting in the garage.) A wise man named Bob Wiley once spoke of baby steps, so I'm going to take his advice.

For now, I've taken some before pictures. Some day I'll post them with the afters. I have hope that this can be done, and hope does not disappoint. 

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Eph. 3:20 (The Message)

Mother's Day 2015

What day is today? 
Today is Mother's Day!
What day is today?
Today is Mother's Day!

Lots of cool points in my book if you know what old TV show that little ditty is from. (Jesse has the twins sing it to Becky on Full House.) And yes, I am aware that it's the week after Mother's Day. I'm a little behind thanks to last week being so hectic, which I'll talk more about in my next post. (I'm sure you're all dying to know.)

I. Love. Mother's Day. 

It's such a fantastic excuse to sit around and do nothing. Isaiah cooks and "cleans" and takes care of all of the kiddos' needs. This Mother's Day, I milked it even more than usual. (Massages from two different kids= win.) 

It kind of got off to a slow start. No breakfast in bed, and Isaiah had already warned me the night before that my present hadn't arrived. I was the first to wake up, so I was lying in bed trying to come up with a witty facebook status first thing in the morning. 

Strike 1: No breakfast in bed.
Strike 2: Present didn't come in the mail. 
3 strikes and you're out, Isaiah Garrett!

Something like that. I was just joking, lest you think I need to go back and take my own advice from my pessimism post. I'd actually rather not eat breakfast in bed, and I'm just pleased he put enough thought into the gift to order it online and not run to Walmart the night before. At any rate, my attention shifted when my little man woke up and wandered into our bedroom. He climbed up and snuggled up next to me, sucking his little bink and twirling my hair. (He likes to do that. <3) 


My girls came in shortly thereafter. They gave a three count and said a giggly "Happy Mother's Day!" together. And of course I got more snuggles. My favorite. They convinced little man to wish me "Happy Mother's Day" as well, but it came out more like, "Happy Mugga Gay!" Even cuter. I got to hear it again when Isaiah was also wished a "Happy Mugga Gay."

That pessimistic almost ten-year-old of mine presented me with a booklet containing the top ten reasons why he loves me. I couldn't help but give a rather boisterous laugh when he informed me of the booklet's back story. "We had to make this. Apparently it was for a grade."

Regardless, he really wrote some sweet things in his book. Number five read, "I love my mom because she is pretty. I like her glasses and short hair. She is also pretty on the inside." He briefly interrupted after I finished reading that one with the clarification, "I couldn't think of anything else to write." Just stop talking, son! :) 

My Boo Boo then took her turn to present her card and gifts to me. She had used her AWANA bucks to get me a pretty cup on store night, and she made a "credit card" with potential purchases including a hug, a massage, and a day of no fighting with her brother. Notice how the cup is blue, my favorite color. She was SO proud of all her gifts, and I gushed over them. She even got her "mom questions" right on the card. Well, not so much the stray kitten one, but I'm especially impressed that she knew to pick New York or Paris as my destination of choice. She is one observant and thoughtful little sweetheart! Isaiah said she had been counting down the days until Mother's Day, which is adorable. 

Just after that, Isaiah discovered that my present had arrived after all, though it was a wee bit damp from spending the night outside. No matter. The kids were just as excited as I was, especially my little man. I'm pretty sure he thought it was for him, as is his usual response to any gift in his vicinity. He helped me tear the box open, but he quickly lost interest when he saw the gift- a lap desk. A week beforehand, I stumbled across a previous google search which read "good gift for a writer," so I knew it was going to be something good. I love practical gifts (no sarcasm intended), and I am currently using said lap desk. 

And of course, what Mother's Day morning is complete without a temper tantrum and a sibling fight? We navigated through the storms fairly quickly, though. I played the "not on Mother's Day" card effectively. 

We were just barely late, which is the equivalent of being on time for us. A bottled coffee and package of trail mix were waiting at the nursery check-in for moms, courtesy of our thoughtful nursery director. Outside the sanctuary, women were given another special treat. Yeah, those Lindt truffles didn't make it halfway through the service. Naturally, the kids made Mother's Day crafts for me during church. I don't always (fine, never) keep church papers, but these ones made the keep pile. I love it when my children are excited about what they made for me.

Isaiah let me choose lunch, and I opted for Chinese takeout. Not the best sesame chicken I've ever had, but we don't eat out often, so I still enjoyed not cooking. Isaiah even ordered enough for me to have my own carton, which is a rare treat indeed, though I still ended up sharing with my little moochers.

The afternoon was filled with a combination of relaxing with my kids on my bed, snuggling, a bit of writing, more snuggling, and playing a couple board games. Awwwww yeah. I lost spectacularly at Would You Rather, but I managed to take one round of Disney Apples to Apples. Even better was the fact that we made it through both games with only one complete meltdown. (From the kids, of course. I save my meltdowns for games of Risk with Isaiah.)

I'm pretty sure everyone's favorite part of game time wasn't actually related to the games. Little man ran into the room with no pants and proceeded to put on a little dance show. I'm not sure why naked butts are so amusing, but they always get my kids giggling. 

We followed up that fun time with the kids' least favorite part of the day. Isaiah made them each choose a room to clean. He always sets a timer for them to make a race out of it. Sometimes it's effective, and sometimes it results in much wailing and gnashing of teeth. 

The final game of the day was hide and seek, which is a family favorite. Unfortunately, little man kept following me around, and he always wants to share hiding spots. I'm too competitive to hide with that loudmouth, so I kept trying to ditch him. I succeeded once, but only with enough time to jump in the closet and hide amongst the clothes. Such an amateur spot. 

Isaiah put the younger three kiddos to bed, after one final "Happy Mugga Gay!" and some hugs. (Of course he puts them to bed almost every night, simply because he is awesome.) After that I talked with my mom on the phone for a little while. Always a good thing. It's not the first time I haven't seen her on Mother's Day, but it stinks nonetheless. At least I get to see her in a few weeks! 

I concluded the evening with my favorite again- snuggles. The boy, as we refer to him affectionately (despite having another boy), has a later bedtime than the other three. We watched Family Feud on the couch together, which always gets us laughing. Steve Harvey is the man. 

All in all, it was a fantastic Mother's Day. Especially in comparison with my first Mother's Day, when poor Isaiah didn't know what a girl wants. What a girl needs. Whatever makes me happy... Oh, sorry. My song lyric Tourette syndrome takes over sometimes. 

Anyway, I'm so grateful for this special day. In addition to the relaxation and fun, for me it's a time of reflection on what it means to be a mom. Mothering is so much more difficult than I thought it would be, and I don't live up to the task like I thought I would. (I was such a better mom before I had kids. "I'm never going to..." Mmmhmmm.) I am not always patient and kind and gentle and consistent and organized. (Just ask my mother-in-law about that last one!) 

There are some areas of our home life that are thriving, some that need more consistency, and some that just need a complete overhaul. I think it's essential to identify these areas and make the necessary changes, even if they come slowly. Every day is a gift, and every day is a clean slate. 

God makes me capable. As long as I keep abiding in Him, I keep growing and learning. These kids are mine for a reason, and I trust the God who knit them together inside of me. The task often seems overwhelming, but He can give me the insane amount of wisdom this job requires. In the mean time, I'm going to do my best to enjoy the ride. (And did I mention the snuggles?)

Age order starts at the top right and moves counter-clockwise. Clearly I didn't think through my placement.

 

The Pessimist Mom

I used to be super pessimistic, but I'd like to think I'm more of a healthy realist these days. According to an online quiz I am. 

Realist

You don`t let things get you too down, or too up. You`re an Even Steven and you stay away from extremes.

Booyah. That settles it, right? Unfortunately, the next test pegged me as a downer.

Your total is 61. You qualify as a defensive pessimist in my studies.

Well, rats. On the upside, that second quiz was more academic, and they had this to say about defensive pessimism. 

Though it sounds as if it might be depressing, defensive pessimism actually helps anxious people focus away from their emotions so that they can plan and act effectively.

Look at me talking about upsides. I can't be a total pessimist after all. It's a positive thing when I take my focus off my emotions so I can plan effectively and all that jazz that he said.

I started thinking about all this because our pastor mentioned pessimism in his sermon this week. He said that as a general rule, pessimists are typically not highly successful people. 

As per my usual habit, I have put a great deal of time into over-thinking this statement. See, I honestly can't help it that I'm a natural-born pessimist. I score a hands-down melancholy on every temperament test I ever take. Basically, I'm Eeyore. And so, I was curious to know if I am indeed forever doomed to a life of mediocrity. 

Fortunately, there actually are some pretty famous pessimists, especially in the artistic fields. Beethoven, Hillary Clinton, Vincent van Gogh, and Bill Gates all fall into the melancholy category. After a bit of research, I came to the conclusion that neither optimism nor pessimism seem to be the key to success in and of themselves. I think it has more to do with how you handle your God-given temperament. 

If you're too positive, it helps to be friends with a Debbie Downer. They'll be sure to point out the flaws you're overlooking. If you're too negative, a good friend might be a Positive Paula. (Hey, I had to have something comparable to Debbie Downer, and apparently alliteration is only used to criticize.) They will encourage you not to give up just because something isn't going your way.

At any rate, I'm just glad that I am not predestined to a life of failure. In my pastor's defense, he was referring to those pessimists who don't fight their natural inclinations and allow negative thinking to rule their lives.

I'm not entirely certain about this, but I think my first-born son is the melancholy type as well. He is introspective, moody, sensitive, and quick to point out the negative. He gets discouraged easily, complains often, and gives up unnecessarily. Poor guy seems to have a double portion of my pessimism. 

He started in on one of his tirades after church on Sunday, and I gave him a hard time about what our pastor said. (It is so hard to be patient when he's complaining about petty issues.) He proceeded to get even angrier and walk off in a huff. I responded with a sarcastic comment of some sort. Not one of my better parenting moments. I probably should take the beam out of my eye. 

How often do I say to myself, "Why do I even bother?" Those five words are like pessimism in a nutshell. 

Here are some subjects that currently evoke that phrase in my life: keeping up with the housework, asking my kids to stop yelling "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!", expecting my kids to do their chores without being told, seeking just a half hour of complete silence, traveling anywhere at all without the kids arguing, and encouraging my husband to talk about feelings with me.

Ironically, one of the subjects I've been most pessimistic about lately is my son's attitude. I swear this almost ten-year-old acts like a true blue teenager. My once constantly sweet little man erupts at the slightest provocation. Once he loses control, he can't seem to gain it back without spending an hour alone to collect himself. He can be rude and condescending to his siblings and argues with Isaiah and I on a regular basis.

Told you I was feeling pessimistic, because I do not see any end to his behavior on the horizon. If anything, it continues to get worse. I have no doubt that our uprooting him twice in the past year has contributed to the problem, but I think it's more than that. I'm willing to bet that my own parenting is a large part of the problem, and that's not just my negativity talking.

Normally I like to write about subjects in which I'm at least putting up a good fight, even if I'm not victorious. But today, this Negative Nellie (told you) has no helpful tips. I'm not even exactly sure why I chose to write about it except that I've been trying hard to write about where I'm at, if that makes sense.

So here's where I'm at.

I know that I need to be more positive around my son, and the rest of my kids for that matter. My exasperated sighs, constant verbalizations of how messy the house is, eye rolls when they complain about something ridiculous, and rudely sarcastic responses to their faulty logic need one big giant nip in the bud. I know I won't ever be perfect, but I also know God can help me have victory here. (There's that realist shining through.)

Not only do I need to stop those habits, but I need to replace them with better choices. I need to compliment my kids' positives daily, speak firmly but patiently, use humor to diffuse all of our tempers, and point out all the beauty in this world God created. They need to know that I'm not just a Whiny Wendy. (That one was for you, Mom.) Seriously, though, I don't want their most pervasive childhood memory of me to be my criticism of them. 

I also need to take the time to find out what's going on in their little minds. Each of my kids needs my attention, discipline, and affection in different ways, and it's my job to find out what those ways are and keep up with how they're changing as they grow.

I feel like I used to be pretty good at some of those things, and I'm not sure what happened. I guess I got too busy and settled for less. I lost my focus. I'm tired and discouraged and I could make lots more excuses, but those excuses have got to stop.

My kids are watching me. They're learning from me, regardless of how poorly I'm teaching. Just because I'm a pessimist, doesn't mean I have to give up. It just means I can't do this thing alone. God is strong in my weakness. He has helped me push through this before, and He will be faithful to do it again.

That's not even blind optimism, folks. It's just the truth.

Invisibility: no cloak required

Has anyone else seen the Nationwide commercial with Mindy Kaling? Maybe it's just because I love "The Office," but this gets a laugh out of me every single time I watch it. 

I know it's just a commercial, but I can't help but relate to poor Mindy. Us quiet folks get overlooked a lot, though admittedly that's often the way we like it. We need just enough human interaction to get us by, and then we retreat back into isolation. We really do need that dose of acknowledgment, though. 

As a stay-at-home mom, I've never gotten a tremendous amount of adult interaction. Throw moving into the mix, and I have now kissed nearly all meaningful grown-up conversation goodbye. I don't plan on walking up to a muscular stranger and stroking his biceps, but I do feel a little invisible at the moment. 

You're probably tired of hearing about how we moved again, but darn it, that's just where I'm at right now. I got so spoiled when we moved to Tallahassee, because we clicked with those friendly Crossbridge folks right off the bat. It was unrealistic to expect it to happen again, but my expectations don't seem to care about what is unrealistic. 

Thank God for a husband who listens, phone conversations with sisters, and a steady stream of out-of-town family visits. I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I would also really like to make some friends who live nearby. You know, like an Anne of Green Gables style bosom friend. We wouldn't even have to make up imaginary, romantic names for everything around us. I'd just settle for some coffee dates where we can talk about girl stuff. 

Anyway, enough whining. I'm only mentioning the negative so I can bring up the positive. This is gonna sound weird, so try to keep an open mind. A couple nights ago at church, I had a "you are not invisible" moment. It wasn't comical like Mindy's, but it was so much better. 

I had a conversation with several adults who seemed to be genuinely interested in me, none of whom were a cashier or someone else being paid to be nice to me, and it lasted more than sixty seconds. It was more than a "Hey, how are you?" "Fine. How are you?" It may have only lasted about ten minutes, but it was fabulous. It wasn't a super deep conversation, but it went beneath surface level. I talked, they listened and responded, and there were no children interrupting us. Heavenly.

But wait, there's more!

One of the ladies I was talking to gave me one of those friendly back rubbing gestures. You know what I'm talking about? Not the awkward pat, but what I consider to be a heartfelt expression of caring. Just a few seconds of physical contact that weren't prompted by the preacher asking us to greet each other.

I almost got all choked up, but I mentally slapped myself in the face and yelled, "Keep it together, crazy!" I don't think it would have done much for my chances of friendship with this group if I cried during our first real conversation. I have to keep the neediness under wraps and let it out slowly. ;) You ladies know what I'm talking about. 

(It's OK to share it here because they're not my facebook friends yet!) 

At any rate, the whole interaction left me feeling wonderful. It's a shame that my kids were super whiny and ruined it minutes later, but I enjoyed the brief elation nonetheless. I felt like a part of something again. I was visible and maybe even valuable.

As usual, there is a point to sharing this story. I've been reflecting a good deal about how I used to treat others who were new to a group of my own. Did I regularly take compassion on those who were trying to find their niche in the group, or was I just content with being comfortable myself? 

Making others feel welcome is something everyone can participate in, and that goes for any group setting. (Church just happens to be the only group I've made time for here thus far.) Even introverts like myself share in that responsibility. Sure outgoing individuals make others feel welcome initially, but the quieter ones are more likely to take the conversation to a deeper level. I don't mean to say that more outgoing folks are shallow, just that they are more likely to keep walking around the room and be friendly to everyone in a group setting. The introverts are fine with honing in on one individual to converse with. 

In truth, both of these types of interaction are necessary. If you're friendly and bubbly, keep being yourself. If you're not, and I'm talking to myself here, you might have to make a more concentrated effort to help others feel connected. (aka: Force yourself to go against all that is within you.) 

If you're a lonely newbie like me, hang in there! Connections will be made with time, though that knowledge isn't always comforting in the moment. And don't fall into the trap of waiting for others to come to you. I am definitely struggling with that at the moment, so no judgment here. Sometimes it's hard to even find opportunities to put myself out there, though. Here are a few things I've found to be helpful over the years.

1. Don't rely on facebook for social interaction. It's nice for about five minutes, but then the feeling of connection is gone. Plus it really is just not the same as being face to face. ((((Hugs)))) are not the same as hugs, and typing is not the same as talking.

2. Get involved in a church that cares. The body of Christ was meant to be exactly that- one body. We have been blessed to find a church with caring people in every city that we've lived in. We were not meant to live this life alone, but rather to share each other's burdens. 

3. If you're a young mom, join a MOPS group. The whole purpose of MOPS is to connect moms with other moms. For me personally, MOPS was a lifesaver. I found out I wasn't alone in my mom frustrations, learned how to be a good friend (and made some lifelong friendships), received mentoring from well-seasoned moms, and became a meaningful part of a group with a real purpose.

4. Speaking of purpose, volunteering is a great way to make some connections as well. In addition to blessing someone else, you immediately have a common bond with the people you're working with. There's such a wide variety of volunteer opportunities to choose from, not the least of which is the church nursery. There's a perfect blend of work (which prevents awkward silence) and time to chitchat. (You're welcome, nursery directors.) 

5. Pray about it. (Sunday school answer alert!) I'm serious, though. God is a more faithful friend than any other. He is sufficient, though I do genuinely believe God created us to live in community. Pray that God would allow you to find someone else who needs your friendship just as much as you need theirs. He is faithful to answer that kind of prayer. 

And don't forget, you are not invisible! 

I'll close with a few words on friendship from the always wonderful Beth Moore. (If you're not a mom, simply change the minivan and playdate references to fit your own situation!)

"My point is, Moms, you’ve got to have you a support group of other moms. Many who are peers. Others who are just ahead of you. They will be used of God to get you through everything from the mundane to the morose. As I told my class last night, our ancient female ancestors walked to wells and rivers together to get water. Our great grandmothers quilted and canned together. We, instead, are imprisoned in our minivans driving breakneck speed, thinking a few maniacal minutes on a cell phone can replace a regular play-date where believing moms can take some time to laugh and share. I don’t think it’s a luxury. It’s a necessity for mental (and often spiritual!) health! [...] Those kinds of [intimate] relationships don’t take place in five minutes. They take years. Crises. Prayers. Divine favor. Your fellow moms are some of the most priceless treasures God has bestowed on you to cheer you on your way to the finish line of young parenting. Grab some arms and do it together."

One of THOSE days

Yesterday had to have lasted more than 24 hours. Shew.

It started out OK, as far as early mornings go. The real trouble began while walking out the door to take the kids to school. I have a checklist that I repeat aloud every time I leave the house. It's not a long one- just three simple words.

Wallet. Phone. Keys.

I certainly don't always leave the house completely prepared for whatever will come my way. Oft forgotten are grocery lists, library books that need returned, the plastic grocery bags that have been accumulating for three years that I was certain I would remember to bring along this time, and pretty much anything that's not on my three word checklist. But hey, at least I know with those three things I'll be mostly good to go.

Yesterday morning, I was confident that I was indeed good to go. With keys in hand, I locked the door leading into the garage and closed it behind me. All the kiddos were ready to go in the van, and we were right on schedule. It wasn't until I attempted to put my key in the ignition that I realized the problem.

My brother-in-law left his keys at my house because their vehicle is in my driveway while they're on vacation. I grabbed THE WRONG SET. Not only could I not start the van, but I also could not get back into my house to get the correct keys. In my defense, both sets are approximately the same size and contain a prominent black Honda key. In retrospect, sitting them where my own keys normally go was probably not a great idea.

I considered just walking the kids to school, but we live about two miles away. OK, I'll admit it. That wasn't my real hesitation. I was still in my pajamas and was not interested in showing them off to the whole neighborhood. At least I had my phone, thanks to my trusty checklist.

I called my hubby and let him know the situation. My description went a little something like, "I'm hanging out in the garage with the children, trying unsuccessfully to pull a MacGyver. Please send a rescue party."

Those of you with more common sense than myself have probably already figured out a solution to my quandary. Isaiah did, while I focused all my attention on door locks, a strand of wire, and an empty Subway gift card.

Duh. I had my brother-in-law's keys and SUV. I am the dumbest smart person I know. We could have driven ourselves to the school immediately and saved myself the embarrassment of having to walk into the school office in my pajamas to fill out the tardy slips. (And then having to walk my daughter to her classroom, all the way at the other side.)

I'll tell you one thing. It was a good opportunity to prove what I'm always telling my self-centered preteen. Embarrassment is a choice. He nearly broke down in tears when I insisted that I had to walk him into the front office, but I held my head high. I'd like to think I rocked those brown plaid hand-me-down men's pajama pants and lingering bedhead.

Once the kids were in their proper places, I had to make the hour roundtrip drive to Isaiah's work to get his keys. Note to self: hide a spare key in the garage. Ordinarily, I would have enjoyed the opportunity to see him at work, but Wednesdays are library days. Preschool story time (my sweet girl's favorite activity of the week) started at 10:15, and the clock was ticking. I rushed home, grabbed some more appropriate clothing for each of us, threw my clearly-needing-a-shower hair back, and raced off to story time. We managed to catch "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and participate in walking our caterpillar fingers up our tree branch arms before they wrapped it up for the day. Mission: not quite accomplished.

Normally we walk leisurely around the library after story time, choosing some new books and movies for the week. (Well, leisurely for the children anyway. I have to make sure my three-year-old isn't yelling and/or careening wildly through the aisles.) Today we had to keep ourselves in fast forward, though. The pest control guy would be at our house in less than half an hour, so we grabbed just a few new things and rushed out the door (after a brief skirmish about who would get to remove the DVDs from their security case).

Why was the pest control guy coming, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

A week ago, we heard a loud banging sound at the back of the house as we were trying to fall asleep. Isaiah grabbed the machete and headed for the back patio while I stealthily crept across the floor to peek out the curtains on our glass door. Not seeing anything, I opted against loading the shotgun, but Isaiah still inspected everywhere out back just to be safe. Meanwhile, I could still hear the banging inside.

Turns out there was (is?) a raccoon stuck in our wall. We called a pest control guy the next day, but our landlord decided to go with a different pest control company. (And I don't blame him. $3,800 is a big price difference!) At any rate, they were finally supposed to take care of the problem. He arrived just after we pulled into the driveway. Shew! Unfortunately, he only gave an estimate for the future work, but what's one more night with our little attic friends?

I couldn't get my usual Wednesday grocery shopping done because of all the atypical events of the day, but at least I was able to catch up on a couple things at home that I'd been needing to do. Still, the afternoon passed by in a blur, a large chunk of it being taken up with a back and forth email conversation with my daughter's teacher. Apparently she was accused of a fairly serious offense (in my book anyway) by another classmate, which I politely disputed. 

How do I know that this boy was in the wrong? Am I just another naive parent who refuses to believe their child would misbehave?

Um, no. The "offense" described was bringing in a picture of a nude woman that her sister had drawn. (The teacher didn't see it, but she took the word of the little boy because my non-confrontational girl didn't dispute it and actually apologized for it.) I guess that kid didn't realize that this alleged sister is only five years old and draws stick people. Either that, or he is one easily offended kid. Cut her some slack- it's hard to draw clothes on those skinny stick bodies! At any rate, she could no more draw a "nude woman" than I could go three hours without eating some chocolate. 

After getting all that straightened out, it was time to get everyone ready for church. It was an easy, cheesy, blue box dinner for us last night, but we still barely made it on time. I managed to lose my nine-year-old on the way inside, but that crisis was averted before too long. He was just taking a ridiculously long time retying his shoes and searching for his AWANA shirt that he had assumed was in the van, but was in fact hanging in his closet at home. 

Church was mostly great. Free childcare, adult conversation, and currently a study on Biblical parenting. Aside from kicking myself over things I know I should be doing with my kids, I was really enjoying the study.

Before we got to the group discussion part anyway. In a room full of parents, everyone is going to have some parenting problem stories, and the stories were flowing. That was when I lost all focus and could do nothing but think about Brian Regan's me monster routine. If you haven't seen it before, take a few minutes and watch. (Or at least the first thirty seconds to understand what I'm talking about.)

There wasn't really a genuine me monster in the room, but the chaotic conversation brought this to mind. Whenever situations like this take place, I find myself desiring an immediate escape. It's not that I don't appreciate hearing other people's stories- I love stories. I guess it's just the poor communication in these contexts that grates on my nerves. I guess my over-communicative self appreciates a little more structure, and this is a prime example.

Whatever. It's not a big deal, just a minor annoyance. I didn't come to be the me monster myself. Besides, I amused myself by daydreaming about Brian Regan doing this routine.

"Me, me, me, me!!!"

Hopefully I didn't have a stupid grin on my face at an inappropriate time during the tales of parenting woes. At least I had a good story to tell Isaiah later, who was participating in a different study. 

And hopefully, the story of my entire day was entertaining as well. We went home last night, put the kiddos to bed, and enjoyed watching a movie just the two of us. We even managed to sleep through the night without hearing our furry intruders.

I do realize that my day wasn't really that bad. Just hectic, but what else is new? Hectic is more of a norm for most of us these days. Nothing tragic or even remotely sad took place. Honestly, I really enjoyed yesterday.

A little laughter, self-deprecation, and perspective go a long way. Would that I could always have such a positive attitude!

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

Snarky facebook response FTW!

**Anyone is welcome to read this post, but please note that the criticisms herein are directed at the church alone. I Corinthians describes the church as the body of Christ, and it is my desire that we take this imagery to heart.** 

What comes to mind when you see the following two memes?

My guess is that your initial response depends on how you feel about homeschool versus public school. As a general rule, one's background will determine what they find abrasive and what simply rolls off their back. In my opinion, both of these examples are broad generalizations and somewhat rude.

I really don't take this type of thing too seriously, but I often wonder why Christians participate in these petty jabs. We are constantly attacking each other (and the general populace) in public forums. The barbs aren't limited to memes. You can take your pick from status updates, blog posts, tweets, completely unrelated news article comments, and more!

The fact is, this disunity spreads much wider than the realm of schooling options. Christians are unfortunately really fantastic at picking fights and exploiting weaknesses. So fantastic that you can find various memes about that, too. 

We're supposed to be known by our love, or at least that's what Jesus said a long, long time ago. I'd say we're better known for our hypocrisy and bickering.

I am absolutely not inferring that we should turn a blind eye to real problems and sing Kumbaya together. I'm simply saying that the internet is not a proper place for discussion. Maybe private messages, but even those can be easily misinterpreted. 

I think it just boils down to the fact that there is a time and place for everything. A private conversation is the time for calling someone out on a point of contention, not a passive aggressive (or just plain old aggressive) status update. 

If there is a genuine sin problem in a fellow believer's life, the most loving thing you can do for them is to hold them accountable. The wounds of a friend are faithful and beneficial. Snarky comments and pointed remarks? Not so much.  

If you're genuinely concerned about someone, sit down and have a conversation with them. Listen to them. Share Scripture with them. Get them the help they need to put a stop to whatever the problem is. We were meant to bear each other's burdens. We were meant to stir each other up toward love and good works, and we were meant to do so after removing our own beams.

If the issue is just a personal preference, like schooling choices for instance, then try considering the matter from the other person's perspective. Every single day, committed followers of Jesus Christ look at the same Scripture, pray to the same God, and come to different conclusions. Maybe that's because God actually prefers it that way. We are to be the light of the world in every realm, and that means we'll have to be involved in different realms.

Sometimes there will actually be a better choice, and that's why it is so important to not always spend our time with people who agree with us on ever issue. Iron sharpens iron. We have an opportunity to speak respectfully and still debate each other on important issues. On my husband's side of the family, every holiday inevitably results in one such debate (or several!) I must confess that I love it, and I love having friends that are willing to not only disagree but to discuss with me our differences of opinion. Growth only results from challenges. 

I know it's a daunting task, but these sorts of conversations also need to be done in humility. Philippians 2:3 instructs us to think of others as better than ourselves. Something tells me that includes their convictions as well. It's so damaging to our fellow believers when we assume that we've put more thought/prayer/etc. into our course of action than they have. 

James 3 has some good things to say on the topic as well. If we truly have the desire to impart wisdom to others, then we need to check our motives. Wisdom from God is "pure, peacable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy." 

My goodness. That list puts me to shame! Especially those willing to yield and without hypocrisy parts. My prayer is that God would continue to shape me into someone who approaches conflict in that way. My prayer is that the body of Christ as a whole would do the same.

I'm not saying don't ever post another meme. There are some pretty great ones out there.

Those are all goofball ones, but I'm not implying that we are forbidden from sharing a meaningful one. I'm not saying to tiptoe around the truth. Really, I'm not even saying not to poke fun at people, as long as you're poking fun at the group that you yourself are a part of. I guess I'm just issuing a plea to all Christians to think about the message you're sending to the rest of the world via the internet. 

I think we could use a lot less internet confrontation, and a lot more one-on-one tough love conversations. The medium of online communication is just desperately lacking in so very many ways.

So let's all use some discernment. Count the cost. Examine our motives. Consider more effective options. Reflect on how this reflects on the unity of one body. The world is watching us, and they will know us by our love.