My Buddy and Me

Has anyone else ever noticed that in many couples there seems to be one partner who is better than the other? I don’t mean to say that they are a better person overall, just that one seems to be better in the way of loving. More patient, more forgiving, etc. I would guess that’s where the phrase “better half” originated (though I haven’t googled that, so don’t take my word for it!) Sometimes I look at couples and think, “How the heck did that guy win her over?” or vice versa. In the case of my own marriage, Isaiah clearly wins the prize.

Today marks the eleventh anniversary of marriage to my Buddy. (Yes, I am aware that it’s weird to call each other that.) Like all young dreamers, I anticipated that we would meet each other’s every need. And as that same young dreamer, I neglected to consider the conundrum of how we would manage to bear in mind the other’s needs while we were fantasizing of having our own met. And let’s be honest, I had WAY more plans for our marriage than he did. Isaiah is more of a “take things as they come” kind of guy, and I’m more of a “let’s do the best we can do” kind of girl. Those two temperaments don’t always mesh well in the endeavor to become one flesh. (That may be a bit of an understatement.) If I only had a dollar for every time someone expressed to me before we tied the knot that marriage would be different than what I expected it to be… I’m not exactly sure in what ways I was expecting it be different, but somehow the reality of marriage still took me by surprise. What especially came as a surprise was the way I responded to that confirmation.

I am sad to say that the Hollywood image of romance really did a number on my expectations. (Think daily love notes, candlelit dinners, and conversations about feelings that lasted into the wee hours.) In my mind, these things lined up readily with the I Corinthians 13 definition of love. “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.”

 I genuinely thought I was a patient and kind person before I got married. Instead, I got pretty frustrated pretty quickly. (That erroneous opinion was even further diminished by the addition of children to our family years later.) I thought I was humble and not one to brag. Well, until I was the one who was clearly the better spouse. I thought I was ready to love selflessly. I could really embarrass myself here with stories of how that turned out to be untrue. I thought I loved unconditionally, but in reality I let my current feelings of satisfaction dictate the way I treated my husband. And so forth and so on. I ended up fighting a fierce uphill battle with bitterness about how my marriage had turned out. It’s so silly to think back on it and recognize how good I had it, especially when I look at the problems of those around me. (Or *ahem* when I still battle those selfish feelings at times.) At any rate, it took seven years of maturing and another year of marriage counseling before I could admit to myself that my ideal marriage would ever remain an imaginary one. And even more importantly, I had to learn that not having that fairy tale marriage is ooooookay.

Everything I’ve written about here so far is all about me. And that’s just it. Love isn’t about me. So let’s change the topic, shall we? I’d like to brag on my Buddy a little bit.

Isaiah is the most forgiving person I have ever known. “Oh, you got angry at me for the tenth time today? That’s ok. I forgive you.” The end. (No, really. The end. Not like a female’s “It’s ok.”) Then I get a big hug. And this is of course after he was already being overly patient with whatever I was stressing about this time.

When Jesus talked about the greatest of these being the servant of all, He may have had Isaiah in mind. The moment I ask Isaiah for a hand with anything, no matter what he was in the middle of doing, he is there. “Sure, I’d be happy to change that explosive diaper and clean up the juice that’s coating the counter. Then I’d love to clean up the Desitin that’s smeared all over the couch.”

My Buddy is one of the hardest working men you will ever meet. He’s not just a servant leader at home, but in the workplace as well. He gets up early to go into work not just for more overtime, but so he’s there before anyone else arrives. There he walks around the office praying for whoever sits in the cubicle he’s passing. He eats a quick lunch at his desk to try and get in even more overtime to provide for our family. He gives one hundred percent every day, and he is constantly trying to make things run more efficiently in his office. (Sometimes he excitedly tells me about his office ideas, but I’m afraid my boredom can be difficult to mask. I love that he tells me anyway.)

One of the very first things that attracted me to Isaiah was his goofy sense of humor. He is so fun to be around. The kids LOVE spending time with Daddy. “Daddy is silly” is a phrase oft repeated in our home, usually accompanied by giggles. I love to see him playing with the kids. (Barbie scenarios are probably the most fun to watch.) He’s just as loving and kind and patient with them as he is with me. And when we go out on our much coveted date nights, I love to choose activities that bring out his goofiness again. We have so much fun together.

Ephesians talks about cherishing your wife and loving her as yourself. I know he takes those instructions seriously. There is never a moment when I can take an honest look at our lives and not see just how much he sacrifices to try and put his family first- to love us more than himself.

I was recently joking with some friends because one of them constantly makes facebook posts about the sweet, romantic gestures of her husband. The rest of us teasingly informed her that it really was only causing the other men to look bad. (One even quipped that she might brag on her husband the next time he actually took the trash out.) All in good fun, of course. J I say this because I don’t want this blog to come across as glorifying the ideal relationship that I just finished criticizing. Isaiah is not perfect, and I won’t pretend like I couldn’t list some flaws if I wanted to. I just know that I spent WAY too many years dwelling on what he was lacking instead of being thankful for his strengths. So today, I am especially thankful that God brought us together all those years ago. Through good times and bad, we've learned so much together. We have so many treasured memories, and I can’t imagine life without that big lug. God knew we would need each other, in ways that I am still learning.

Happy anniversary, Buddy. <3