I used to be super pessimistic, but I'd like to think I'm more of a healthy realist these days. According to an online quiz I am.
Realist
You don`t let things get you too down, or too up. You`re an Even Steven and you stay away from extremes.
Booyah. That settles it, right? Unfortunately, the next test pegged me as a downer.
Your total is 61. You qualify as a defensive pessimist in my studies.
Well, rats. On the upside, that second quiz was more academic, and they had this to say about defensive pessimism.
Though it sounds as if it might be depressing, defensive pessimism actually helps anxious people focus away from their emotions so that they can plan and act effectively.
Look at me talking about upsides. I can't be a total pessimist after all. It's a positive thing when I take my focus off my emotions so I can plan effectively and all that jazz that he said.
I started thinking about all this because our pastor mentioned pessimism in his sermon this week. He said that as a general rule, pessimists are typically not highly successful people.
As per my usual habit, I have put a great deal of time into over-thinking this statement. See, I honestly can't help it that I'm a natural-born pessimist. I score a hands-down melancholy on every temperament test I ever take. Basically, I'm Eeyore. And so, I was curious to know if I am indeed forever doomed to a life of mediocrity.
Fortunately, there actually are some pretty famous pessimists, especially in the artistic fields. Beethoven, Hillary Clinton, Vincent van Gogh, and Bill Gates all fall into the melancholy category. After a bit of research, I came to the conclusion that neither optimism nor pessimism seem to be the key to success in and of themselves. I think it has more to do with how you handle your God-given temperament.
If you're too positive, it helps to be friends with a Debbie Downer. They'll be sure to point out the flaws you're overlooking. If you're too negative, a good friend might be a Positive Paula. (Hey, I had to have something comparable to Debbie Downer, and apparently alliteration is only used to criticize.) They will encourage you not to give up just because something isn't going your way.
At any rate, I'm just glad that I am not predestined to a life of failure. In my pastor's defense, he was referring to those pessimists who don't fight their natural inclinations and allow negative thinking to rule their lives.
I'm not entirely certain about this, but I think my first-born son is the melancholy type as well. He is introspective, moody, sensitive, and quick to point out the negative. He gets discouraged easily, complains often, and gives up unnecessarily. Poor guy seems to have a double portion of my pessimism.
He started in on one of his tirades after church on Sunday, and I gave him a hard time about what our pastor said. (It is so hard to be patient when he's complaining about petty issues.) He proceeded to get even angrier and walk off in a huff. I responded with a sarcastic comment of some sort. Not one of my better parenting moments. I probably should take the beam out of my eye.
How often do I say to myself, "Why do I even bother?" Those five words are like pessimism in a nutshell.
Here are some subjects that currently evoke that phrase in my life: keeping up with the housework, asking my kids to stop yelling "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!", expecting my kids to do their chores without being told, seeking just a half hour of complete silence, traveling anywhere at all without the kids arguing, and encouraging my husband to talk about feelings with me.
Ironically, one of the subjects I've been most pessimistic about lately is my son's attitude. I swear this almost ten-year-old acts like a true blue teenager. My once constantly sweet little man erupts at the slightest provocation. Once he loses control, he can't seem to gain it back without spending an hour alone to collect himself. He can be rude and condescending to his siblings and argues with Isaiah and I on a regular basis.
Told you I was feeling pessimistic, because I do not see any end to his behavior on the horizon. If anything, it continues to get worse. I have no doubt that our uprooting him twice in the past year has contributed to the problem, but I think it's more than that. I'm willing to bet that my own parenting is a large part of the problem, and that's not just my negativity talking.
Normally I like to write about subjects in which I'm at least putting up a good fight, even if I'm not victorious. But today, this Negative Nellie (told you) has no helpful tips. I'm not even exactly sure why I chose to write about it except that I've been trying hard to write about where I'm at, if that makes sense.
So here's where I'm at.
I know that I need to be more positive around my son, and the rest of my kids for that matter. My exasperated sighs, constant verbalizations of how messy the house is, eye rolls when they complain about something ridiculous, and rudely sarcastic responses to their faulty logic need one big giant nip in the bud. I know I won't ever be perfect, but I also know God can help me have victory here. (There's that realist shining through.)
Not only do I need to stop those habits, but I need to replace them with better choices. I need to compliment my kids' positives daily, speak firmly but patiently, use humor to diffuse all of our tempers, and point out all the beauty in this world God created. They need to know that I'm not just a Whiny Wendy. (That one was for you, Mom.) Seriously, though, I don't want their most pervasive childhood memory of me to be my criticism of them.
I also need to take the time to find out what's going on in their little minds. Each of my kids needs my attention, discipline, and affection in different ways, and it's my job to find out what those ways are and keep up with how they're changing as they grow.
I feel like I used to be pretty good at some of those things, and I'm not sure what happened. I guess I got too busy and settled for less. I lost my focus. I'm tired and discouraged and I could make lots more excuses, but those excuses have got to stop.
My kids are watching me. They're learning from me, regardless of how poorly I'm teaching. Just because I'm a pessimist, doesn't mean I have to give up. It just means I can't do this thing alone. God is strong in my weakness. He has helped me push through this before, and He will be faithful to do it again.
That's not even blind optimism, folks. It's just the truth.
I'm always up for the chance to pull out G.K. Chesterton, so I'm gonna. I'm not entirely sure if this makes sense out of context (I've read it so many times I practically know it by heart!), and it's not quite related to what you're talking about in this post, but it does form my basic philosophy of life. This is the macro form of your micro application. I thought you might enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteWHEN I was a boy there were two curious men running about who were called the optimist and the pessimist. I constantly used the words myself, but I cheerfully confess that I never had any very special idea of what they meant....An optimist could not mean a man who thought everything right and nothing wrong. For that is meaningless; it is like calling everything right and nothing left. Upon the whole, I came to the conclusion that the optimist thought everything good except the pessimist, and that the pessimist thought everything bad, except himself.
But this is a deep mistake in this alternative of the optimist and the pessimist. The assumption of it is that a man criticises this world as if he were house-hunting, as if he were being shown over a new suite of apartments. If a man came to this world from some other world in full possession of his powers he might discuss whether the advantage of midsummer woods made up for the disadvantage of mad dogs, just as a man looking for lodgings might balance the presence of a telephone against the absence of a sea view. But no man is in that position. A man belongs to this world before he begins to ask if it is nice to belong to it. He has fought for the flag, and often won heroic victories for the flag long before he has ever enlisted. To put shortly what seems the essential matter, he has a loyalty long before he has any admiration...
Whatever the reason, it seemed and still seems to me that our attitude towards life can be better expressed in terms of a kind of military loyalty than in terms of criticism and approval. My acceptance of the universe is not optimism, it is more like patriotism. It is a matter of primary loyalty. The world is not a lodging-house at Brighton, which we are to leave because it is miserable. It is the fortress of our family, with the flag flying on the turret, and the more miserable it is the less we should leave it. The point is not that this world is too sad to love or too glad not to love; the point is that when you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more.
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In other words - EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!! (Except for the stuff that isn't. But we love the world anyway.)
Part of me wants to wait until I can fully digest and appreciate this quote to respond, but I know I'll forget if I wait! (Realism again.) Very spot on, Hannah. Of course Chesterton would be. Is this from a book of his, or just something he said? By the way, I love macro forms, but it seems to me that others don't enjoy reading about them in my blog. Or at least they don't seem to relate as well. That's one (though not the only one) of the reasons for the micro application. As a fellow blog writer, do you agree?
DeletePart of me wants to wait until I can fully digest and appreciate this quote to respond, but I know I'll forget if I wait! (Realism again.) Very spot on, Hannah. Of course Chesterton would be. Is this from a book of his, or just something he said? By the way, I love macro forms, but it seems to me that others don't enjoy reading about them in my blog. Or at least they don't seem to relate as well. That's one (though not the only one) of the reasons for the micro application. As a fellow blog writer, do you agree?
DeleteThis is a quote from Chapter 5 of Orthodoxy. I post it every time I get an opening (or even when I don't!)
DeleteYou're very good at bringing these things down to earth. I almost can't do it. There's a skill to that. But I don't really have a huge audience for either blog, so it's hard to gauge how they take it. Perhaps that's *why* I don't have a huge audience!
Well, I very much appreciate your compliment! I always enjoy your writing, though I'm not always familiar with the subject matter. I'm afraid I'm rather uncultured. I certainly don't have a huge audience either. In fact, writing this blog is one of the most discouraging things I've ever done! :) However,I typically have a slightly higher percentage of readers for posts like this one.
DeleteJust saw this comment - anyway, don't lose hope. I blogged for two years and then reviewed something no one else had. Suddenly, people were coming out of the woodwork. I've still only got about two or three regular readers, but I'm figuring out ways of expanding (building a bit of a social media presence in places where my target audience hangs out). Talking about current events usually works well. For me this involves reviewing new movies and TV.
DeleteJust persevering helps. I don't post at Longish half as much as at The Pilgrim's Podcast blog, but the former is a year or two older, and I still get more pageviews there.