Tuesday, February 25, 2014

When sanctity of life became real to me: my heart on abortion





Life has a tendency to whiz by in a blur, but we all have some memories that are permanently etched into our minds. One such moment for me was watching my very own child via ultrasound for the first time. I was ten weeks pregnant at the time, so he still looked like a little alien. A very small, but very active little alien. But he was my alien. I called him my jumping bean. Tiny as his little arms and legs were, they were still flailing around like mad. I can picture it as though the screen were still in front of me. Life! Right there for me to see. It was one of the most thrilling moments I’ve ever experienced.

Almost nine years later, my little jumping bean is now my Stinkyface. (Don’t tell him I told you that nickname.) Not a single thing has happened in these nine years that gave my son life. Sure he needed some time to grow, and he’s still growing, but his life had already begun.  
January 22nd marked the 41st anniversary of the infamous Roe v. Wade decision. 41 years. That’s staggering. That’s ten years older than me. Babies have been legally murdered for 41 years in the United States of America.
Oh, God! God. Forgive us. We don’t know what we do.  
I think about my little jumping bean, all snug and warm in his safe little home. Fifty-some million other little beans (or babies at various stages all the way up through being fully viable) found out their home wasn’t a safe place to be over the past four decades here in America. An entire generation was wiped out before they had a chance to make their mark on the world. Before they were even given a chance at life.
Life! What a powerful word! When I stop to think about all that it entails, I get lost in it. I’m overwhelmed by it. It is beautiful and sacred and beyond comprehension.
I am honored to have a friend who chose life when the tough choice was hers to make. She faced an unplanned and, quite frankly, unwanted pregnancy. And that unwanted pregnancy turned into a very wanted and loved and incredible little boy. I can’t imagine life for her without him, and I can’t help but putting myself into her shoes and thinking about what my life would be like if I had chosen abortion for one of my own children.
 Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever thought about a child you know not being here? How about one of your own children? Even the imaginary scenario is enough to bring me to tears.
How many things about my life would be different if one of them weren’t here? Which one of them would I choose, if I had to pick one to live without? So many sweet, sweet memories of these little people I love so dearly. If I’d chosen to end their life before I knew them, I wouldn’t have ever experienced any of those tender moments.
I wouldn’t know the sweet smell of their little newborn head. The feel of their tiny body curled up on my chest. The look of innocence on their peaceful face as they slept. The sound of their tiny cry when they felt alarmed and yearned for mommy. I would never have even known their face! I can’t imagine not knowing, not staring endlessly, at the precious little faces of those little ones who are mine.
And that’s just the beginning.
My little jumping bean/Stinkyface is almost nine years old now. My other loves five, four, and nearly two. So, so many snuggles and giggles (my favorites.) There were first steps and first words and all those other firsts that are just as exciting with every new baby. There are new milestones and memories and good times and bad constantly in our household. We’ve had vacations and lazy days at home and even those stressful days trying to run a million errands. Challenges or no, every day was special. Every day of their life was a gift. On and on those memories go, and will continue to go.
 How could I give those all up? Even if I had never known them, how could I have given up those blessings that I knew would come along with each child?
How many mothers are out there wondering what their lives would have been like if they hadn’t chosen abortion? One quick google search will provide story after story of regret (though I don’t deny there are others who adamantly defend their decision.) I still know there are so very many mothers who count the birthdays they’ve missed. They wonder if their child’s giggles would have been soft and sweet or loud and contagious. They ache to think of all the “I wuv you mommy’s” that they’ll never get to hear. They long to hold tightly that little one that they never got to meet. They want desperately to gaze at a beautiful face that they’ll never have a chance to see in this life.
Empty arms. An empty cradle. Where there was life, now there is none. Heaven is filled with these little ones, but at what cost? Oh, God. Help us!
Help us to know there is hope for the one who feels shame or regret for the choice they have made. They need not try to hide their past. There is forgiveness and healing. There is beautiful, beautiful redemption. There is NO condemnation for those covered by the blood of Christ. Past mistakes have been separated from us and forgotten in a way that we can’t even comprehend. Speak that truth to our souls. That healing that we seek so desperately is found in You. Sometimes we are our own harshest critic, Lord. Help us to recognize that we are never out of reach of your forgiveness and grace. You offer it with no conditions. Help us to accept it. The past will ever remain in the past, and we need to take the necessary steps to move on in the present.
Help us as the body of Christ to offer the same grace that we have received. Our sin and our guilt is no less than that of another. We are just as weak, just as in need of You and your mercy. We only love You because You loved us first, and You loved us so we would love others. You comforted us in our affliction so that we can share that comfort with others. Help us to bear each other’s burdens. The church needs to be a safe place the hurting can run to, for those who are considering abortion or those who have already gone through with it.  Let us view the hurting through your eyes.
Help us to know that change in the world always, always starts by looking in the mirror. We need to be close to You, God. We need You to change our hearts. We need your Word and the Spirit to guide us. We need to abide in You, so that You will abide in us. All that is good comes from You, and we need your good to be light to the world. We can’t show the world your love when we’re rejecting it ourselves.
Help us to remember how important and effective prayer is in this battle. We say that we want you to end this tragedy, but how often do we ask you to do so? Do we really believe that our prayers count for something? That You’re listening? Help us to remember just how powerful You really are. This is THE most important action we can take to defend the innocent. We desperately need to seek both your face and your hand in this fight for life.
Help us to know how to fight this battle. Just like Bonhoeffer took a stand against the Nazis and Wilberforce against slavery, may we be counted among those who were bold enough to oppose this tragedy. Not just behind closed doors, Lord. Help us to boldly proclaim the truth about the sanctity of life. Give us leaders who have the wisdom and boldness to guide those of us who often want to do more and are unsure how to fight. We’re each accountable for the action (or non-action) we take. Help us to turn our good intentions into meaningful engagement. We can’t all be sidewalk counselors, but we can all do something. It’s not enough to want to help.
Help us not to forget how precious life really is. You knit us together… Help us to understand the implications of this glorious truth. The God of the universe formed our very existence. We are here for a reason. We are not products of chance, not clumps of cells, not punishments for mistakes. Life, and all its ups and downs, is beautiful. You make it beautiful. So teach us what it means to live like we believe this.
Help us not to give up in what seems to be an endless battle. Our easily distracted minds want to move on to the next big thing. Or we want to join in a fight that has more tangible victories. Don’t let us forget, Lord. These tiny ones can’t speak for themselves. Give us the boldness and the compassion to open our mouths and do it for them! The abortion industry is still out there, even while we’re choosing to think on lesser things, and it’s thriving. It’s hard to hang in there for the long haul, but we can’t keep sticking the knowledge of this tragedy on a back burner in our minds. We’ve got to keep up the fight!
Amidst all the bad news, sometimes we forget that that there are lives being saved out there! There are women who are choosing life for their babies. There are the faithful who pray and counsel and speak truth. They’re engaged in this warfare, and we can join them. Every life counts. We can’t keep allowing ourselves to be distracted, because God put us here for a reason. God put us here for such a time as this.
Resources for post-abortion healing:
National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing: http://www.noparh.org/
Victims of Choice: http://victimsofchoice.org/find-help/ (Only certain states are listed, but some of the centers offer long-distance help.)
A quick reminder about God’s forgiveness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4KJgrnlgLE

Food for thought:
Testimony of abortion survivor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOWMmx6eBjU

Ways to get involved:
Find a local pregnancy center: http://pregnancydecisionline.org/get-help/
Right to Life: http://www.nrlc.org/

**These lists are in no way exhaustive. Please feel free to comment with resources/organizations that you have found helpful.



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