Why I stopped asking God to use me

I have a confession to make. I struggle, and I mean really struggle, with feeling insignificant at times. I’m not saying this so that everyone can respond with kind reassurances that I really am significant. I know that I am. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have down days.

I don’t get much accomplished on down days. Unless you consider reading the posts on all my friend’s facebook pages and catching up on all my turns in Scramble with Friends accomplishments. On the really down days, it can be a struggle just to get up off the couch to make lunch for my kids. The fact that I’m a stay-at-home mom doesn’t exactly help me put up a good fight. The best cure for the blues is the polar opposite of what my typical day looks like. And thus, the vicious battle for my mind ensues.

Does anything that I’m doing count for eternity? Will my children even remember all the sacrifices I made for them when they get older? Will the wisdom that I’ve tried to impart to them be discarded someday for the latest and greatest way of thinking? Or am I too caught up in the daily grind to even take the time to impart wisdom to them? Do I honestly demonstrate to them what it means to love someone unconditionally?

And what of the world outside my home bubble? Am I really giving my all to minister to those around me? Am I loving my neighbor as myself? Am I taking the Gospel to the ends of the earth? Does my life inspire those around me to seek Christ? If I died, would I have left a lasting mark on this world? Would my life have counted for something?

When I was younger, I was one hundred percent certain that I would one day be a full-time missionary. I had no interest in being “lukewarm,” and I desperately wanted God to use me to make a real difference in the world. I went on all the mission trips that were available to me in high school, started out as a Spanish major in college, and married a man who thought he was interested in missions as well. We looked into several different missions organizations, but then his excitement fizzled out. It was just the natural result of me trying to force my dream onto him. I pursued a psychology degree in lieu of a missions-oriented degree, in hopes that I could minister as a guidance counselor or something similar here in the states. (Until he realized of course that his true calling was on the mission field overseas.)

 Isaiah settled into a career with Sherwin Williams, we moved to Baltimore, and just five months after graduating college, we found out we were expecting our first child. That well-known John Lennon quote rang true for us. “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

Four kids and nine years later, here we are. In the same town we grew up in. Not on the mission field. Not even in ministry positions. What happened? Well, life happened.

After a year in Baltimore, Isaiah was promoted to store manager just a couple hours from our former home sweet home. It had finally sunk in that we wouldn’t be going to the mission field soon, so I determined that I would participate in missions right where God had planted me. Thus, the “Hands and Feet” ministry of Wytheville Baptist Church was born. We organized a local clothes closet for the needy, gave out free hot chocolate at Walmart on a chilly day, cleaned out gutters for local widows, and more. Isaiah and I also volunteered as leaders in the church youth group. I was finally “being used” by God, and yet somehow it wasn’t enough.

In my frustration I hijacked the role of the Holy Spirit in the life of my husband. I convinced him that he was called to be a youth pastor, and so we made the decision to return to our beloved Lynchburg, where he could work and take seminary courses for free at Liberty University. My four years of “patience” had paid off. As soon as he received his degree, he would apply for a ministry position somewhere that we were really needed, and God would use us in amazing ways.

[Now enters the birth of our second child.]

Rather than wait until his degree was complete to seek out a ministry position, Isaiah decided to accept a part-time youth pastor job in addition to his regular job and seminary work. I was hesitant because of our growing list of major life changes, but who was I to turn down a genuine opportunity to be used by God? And so, we found ourselves in a small town, an even smaller church, and leading a still smaller group of teens. I was living the dream. That is, until the dream came crashing down around me.

From the outside, things probably looked fine, but boy can looks ever be deceiving. Adjusting to two, and very soon three, children was tougher than I had anticipated for a suck-it-up-cupcake gal like myself. I struggled to even keep my faith for myself, much less impart it to these teenagers who were looking to me for guidance. Our marriage was struggling, I battled depression on and off, and that voice telling me that I needed to change the world was STILL there insisting I wasn’t doing enough. Life seemed so hopeless and shallow. Certainly all was vanity.

Then God radically changed my outlook on life. (Story recorded here, if you're interested: http://mykidsfavoritemom.blogspot.com/2013/12/peace-on-earth.html)

Not only did my anger and skepticism diminish, but God gradually began to transform my thinking in many different areas of my life. Eventually I had to be honest with myself about this consuming desire I had to be used by God to change the world. It took several years, but I can finally (on most days) acknowledge that my life as a homemaker has the potential to glorify God just as much as it would if I were involved in full-time missions, or even a full-time job of any kind.

I was thinking earlier today about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and what an unglamorous life she lived. She may be praised now, but she certainly wasn’t while she was alive. (Which is, you know, typically when it’s nice to receive some affirmation.) She endured long days filled with diaper changes, child rearing, house cleaning, food preparation, etc., much like the women of today, except without our modern conveniences. I think it’s safe to say that Joseph was a typical man, so there was no fairy tale marriage to be spoken of. Mary lived a normal life with normal problems. Jesus didn’t even perform his first miracle until he was thirty, so she couldn’t even take advantage of his ability to clean the house with a snap of his fingers. How frustrating would that be?! Even when Jesus began to gain some fame, he still wasn’t respected in his own hometown. (So much so that they tried to throw him off a cliff.) Somehow I doubt Mary benefitted from her son’s renown in the slightest. And THEN she had to watch him die an excruciating death.

All this to say that by normal standards, Mary didn’t live a life that most would envy. And yet, she lived a tremendously significant life. A difficult, mostly monotonous, but beautiful life. A life that changed the world forever.

So it follows that I don’t need to feel significant to be significant. I don’t need to ask God to use me, because my prayer becomes more about me than about God. It focuses on my emotional state rather than what he’s already told me is good… “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”  (Micah 6:8) Pretty simplistic. He didn’t ask me to change the world, because ultimately he’s the one who does that. I’m just called to remain faithful, even when I don’t feel like it.

God already told me that my life had meaning, and I need to take him at his word.

 I was created in the very image of God. (Gen. 1:26)

 God himself knit me together. (Ps. 139:13)

God loved me before I ever did anything to try and please him. (Rom. 5:8)

There is a plan for my life- one that is filled with the hope of God. (Jer. 29:11)

The power of Christ is manifested in my weakness, not in my strength. (II Cor. 12:9)

Am I saying that I plan to stop trying to please God, live a life of relative ease, and haphazardly wait for God to shove me through open doors? Certainly not. I’m called to daily take up my cross and follow Christ. Doesn’t sound like a walk in the park to me.

But I also know that I’m called to trust God with the results of my labors. Abraham and Sarah had to wait an awfully long time to see God’s promises fulfilled. So did Noah. So did Moses. The list goes on and on. I might have to wait a long time, too, or I might never even know how I’ve impacted the lives of others. But the point is- it doesn’t matter. I’m asked to give my all, and I will. And when I don’t, I’ll put the past behind me and press on towards the goal.

Sometimes I have to lay down these feelings of worthlessness again, so I can be reminded of the truth. My worth is not tied up in visible accomplishments. I’m not God, but I am significant. I’m here for a reason, and I make a difference. So the next time I have a down day, I need only look up to remember that my life has a purpose. And so does yours.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  II Corinthians 4:16-18

Practical Tips for Parents

I am comfortable enough in my own skin to admit that I am much more likely to be featured on the Mom Fail site than on Pinterest. I was thinking about this today as I was cutting some coupons, namely because of how few I was snipping out before throwing the rest of the coupon insert into the recycling bin. Part of me thought, “You could save so much more money if you’d keep all of these and check the grocery store ads for where the coupons and sale items match up.” Then the realist in me responded with “Shut up!” Seriously, though. I know I won’t do that, and then I will just have an over-abundance of coupons, and then I’ll be too overwhelmed to even pull them out at the store, and then I’ll have to throw them all away when they expire while thinking about how some moms can post pictures on facebook of their giant pile of groceries that they got for $1.27, and then I’ll drown my sorrows with a Frappuccino. So on to the main point!

I decided to compile a list of helpful things that I actually have had to learn over the years. Some of them may actually be helpful, but most of them not so much.

1.       Make your grocery list in the order of where the items are in the store. You’ll need every ounce of energy you possess directed toward keeping your child happy and/or distracted for the duration of the shopping trip. If you neglect this tip and need to buy any more than three things, you will inevitably have to walk through the entire store twice to get everything you need.

2.       Bring that list with you to the store. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s really so much more helpful when you don’t leave it on the table at home.

3.       When you have a small child, make every effort to wear clothing that resembles the color of snot during cold season. That way no one will notice the actual streaks of snot on your shoulders.

4.       Always keep an empty laundry basket or bin on hand. This is so you can run frantically through the house throwing everything in sight into it when the doorbell rings.

5.       On a similar note, if you’ve been missing your in-laws, simply let the house go to pot. They’ll be sure to drop by unannounced.

6.       Never EVER, no matter how tempting it is, shove your dirty dishes into the oven in last minute cleaning desperation. You will not, I repeat, will not remember that they’re in there before turning on the oven. (Then you may or may not have the smell of a melted plastic spatula permeating your home for several hours afterward.)

7.       Pick out your clothes and your children’s clothes the night before. You might think this is a time-saving tip, but really it’s just to ensure that everyone actually does have clean underwear to put on in the morning.

8.       Have a serious heart to heart with your husband about the importance of not using potty humor with your children. It will be incredibly hard to break them of this habit when Daddy is participating wholeheartedly.

9.       Never use the TV as a babysitter. *Giggling* Yeah, that was the funniest one yet.

10.   The best way to get your kids to stop whining is to put in some headphones and listen to a lively Pandora station. (At least I think this works. It’s hard to tell with Broadway show tunes playing in my ear.)

11.   Wait until your toddler’s naptime to load the dishwasher. Unloading the dishwasher with the toddler present will actually be easier.

12.   Invest in a mommy hook for your stroller. You’ll want to be carrying as little as possible when your kids hand you things they’re perfectly capable of carrying themselves so their hands can remain completely empty.

13.   If your baby is suffering from constipation, try dressing them in their nicest clothes. This way, they’ll unavoidably have a blowout and stain said nice clothing.

14.   Be sure to bring plenty of entertainment for long trips. You’ll need something to distract your mind away from your kids constantly nagging you to tell them if you’re almost there yet.

15.   Put breakable items in your children’s toy boxes. Then pretend like all of their toys are off limits. This is a surefire way to protect your valuables.

16.   Don’t bother quarantining sick children or trying to sanitize 99.8% of all germs in your home. Whatever virus they have will spread like wildfire amongst your family, despite your best efforts. (And it will strike in the middle of the night if it's a stomach bug.)

17.   Practice makes perfect when it comes to expressing an authentic whiny voice. Use it to respond to your children so they can look at you like you’re crazy for sounding exactly like they just did.

18.   Feed your babies as MUCH as possible to make them plump. Then when they refuse to eat every meal you fix when they get a bit older, they won’t die.

19.   Plan to leave the house half an hour earlier than you actually need to and stick to it!! None of that, “Well, really we don’t need to leave until…” nonsense. This way you might just make it out the door in time. (After you’ve taken your child potty, cleaned up the spilt milk on the counter, found the missing shoe, and solved the latest sibling crisis all after the original time you intended to leave.)

20.   Cut yourself some slack, parents! Find a legitimate list of helpful tips (not the aforementioned rubbish), and use the process of trial and error to figure out what works for your family. If it sounds too easy to be true, then a complete stranger will definitely judge you for not utilizing it in your home.

 

The NOT Matt Walsh Blog

Let me first write a disclaimer here. I have only fully read one of Matt Walsh’s blog posts, and partially read five of them. I’ve seen his work reposted many a time, but I have to admit that I am just not impressed. The reason that I only partially read five was because I had a hard time stomaching all of the disrespect and sarcasm. Don’t get me wrong- I love sarcasm! (No, really. I do. I wasn’t being sarcastic.) I appreciate the humor of it and concede that there are appropriate times to use it to get your point across. I just don’t consider the way that Matt Walsh used it in this post: http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/01/07/monogamy-is-unnatural/  to be one such time.

Here’s this professor. A man who wants nothing to do with Christianity or the morals that are promoted therein. He writes a letter to a professing Christian, likely expecting to be ridiculed, as that seems to be a pattern for Matt Walsh based on the six blog posts I viewed. And Walsh did not disappoint, depending on your perspective, that is. My perspective is this: when someone who doesn’t know Jesus interacts with me, I want them to walk away having seen at least a glimpse of who Jesus is. I want what Jesus wants in II Peter 3:9. “[The Lord] is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

Can anyone honestly (honestly, now) tell me that they believe that Walsh’s response will lead to repentance for this professor- to a greater understanding of a loving Savior? How about even a greater understanding of the benefits of a monogamous relationship? It certainly wouldn’t if it were me. I’d be so angry that this guy I don’t even know had the gall to call me an imbecile, after claiming to have a personal relationship with a God who is love, that I wouldn’t care if he had irrefutable evidence that monogamous relationships are superior. And I definitely wouldn’t think, “Oh, ok. NOW I get it. Now I see why Jesus is appealing. All it took was for someone to insult me publicly and call me names!” (See? I told you I appreciated sarcasm!) Seriously, though. When was the last time someone treated you like a moron, and you walked away thinking, “I should take a lesson from that guy.”

Several passages of Scripture keep re-surfacing in my mind. First up is Ephesians 4:29. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Maybe I’m not up with the times, but I wouldn’t really call that response “building up.” Nor would I call it wholesome.

Next up is Proverbs 15:1. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I already touched on this. This kind of response is definitely going to stir up some anger. How powerful Walsh’s response could have been if he had simply reflected on the beauty of marriage without the anger!

Some of you may be ready to cry hypocrisy because I’m criticizing Walsh for his criticisms, but hear me out. Criticism in and of itself is rarely a problem. Where we so often fail is the way we go about it. We are called to speak the truth in love. Why does Proverbs say that the wounds of a friend are faithful? Because we are to speak truth, even when it’s awkward and painful, for the good and edification of those around us. The pain is temporary, but the personal growth that results will last forever. Christ Himself had his criticisms recorded, and He even got angry about it. But a monumentally important question is- who was that anger directed toward? Those within the church, not those outside of it. He was a friend of sinners, but He reserved his harshest judgments for the religious elite. It is not my intent to call Matt Walsh any names or insult him personally, but I just cannot sit idly by and watch him represent Christ in this way. If we truly want to be fishers of men, then this is not the bait we should be using.  

The last but certainly not least applicable passage is I Corinthians 13:1-2. “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” Nothing. It’s all in vain. All the best arguments. All the witty responses. All the truth spoken in a condescending manner. They’re nothing without love. Yes, you’re right, Matt Walsh. Monogamy is beautiful. It is to be celebrated. But why? Because it is based on love. It is evidence of love. Marriage is the very best representation that Christ could give us of the unconditional love that He offers to each of us. The very heart of the issue you’re trying to defend here has been omitted completely from your response.

The word love has been misrepresented and sometimes perverted by our culture, but God takes the time to define it in the same chapter. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I can’t judge Walsh’s heart and his motives. Truly I cannot. What I do know is that the harsh words he has chosen do not meet up to this high and beautiful standard that God has set. God is love, and we are His body. His hands and feet. The salt of the earth. The light of the world. A city set on a hill. When the world can’t find God, they look to us. So let’s be who Christ has called us to be. Let’s love how Christ has called us to love. The fields are white for the harvest.

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” I Cor. 13:13

You've Got a Friend in Me

Lest the title deceive you, this is not a post about Toy Story, but let me just go ahead and say you’re welcome for getting that song stuck in your head. (I could probably name every blog post from here on out with a Disney quote and never use the same one twice, but I digress.)

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a good friend. So many of my friends are going through difficult situations right now, and I feel like I’m here just enjoying my blessed life in the midst of them. Life seems to pass by in cycles, and I know hard times will come my way again. But in the meantime, I don’t want to keep myself separate from the struggles of those around me. I’ve always hated that “Do They Know It’s Christmas” line, “Tonight thank God it’s them, instead of you.” (Ok, I confess. Really I hate that entire song.) That’s the polar opposite of the attitude I desire to have.

Galatians 6:2 is a verse that keeps coming to mind. “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” I started thinking about this particular verse during church this week. We were singing a song about brokenness, and my mind started to wander. (As a whole, my mind is terribly prone to wandering.) I started thinking about those who are broken around me- those who are carrying heavy burdens. Then I began to wonder if I was fulfilling the law of Christ. Am I truly bearing their burdens?

Honestly, I start to feel a little panicky when I really start to contemplate ALL of the burdens of those around me. I can barely get my clan dressed and out the door on time on a regular basis, much less be a help to everyone else around me! But this is one of many verses that needs to be read with discernment. I can’t bear the weight of the world by myself. Only Christ can, and did. What I can do is choose to take a long, hard look at those who are a part of my life. Who do I know today that is struggling? What is one small (or maybe big) thing that I can do to help bear their burden? If I really want those answers, then I am really going to have to look on purpose. It will probably be a process, and not just one quick check off my to-do list.

 And really, I should be sharing in the good times as well. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Rom. 12:15) How can you really share in someone’s grief if you never shared in their joy? Life is made up of high highs and low lows, and true friends remain through them all.

I spent a good chunk of my adult life with a backwards view of what it means to be a friend. (I don’t even want to get into what kind of friend I was at a younger age. Sheesh.) I prayed and prayed for the longest time that God would send along a friend who could relate to my every struggle, who would hold me accountable in all my weak areas, who would walk with me through thick and thin. I used to meet new people and wonder if they might finally be the one who would want to be my best friend. It’s a little embarrassing to put that out there, but it’s the truth.  It wasn’t that I had no one- I did. I just had expectations that were WAY too high. (I think that may be a theme in my life.) I finally stopped praying for a friend and just asked God to take that longing away. I prayed that He would fill that hole in my heart instead. That’s the kind of prayer that God loves to answer. Looking back now, I can see how much I took my friends for granted. I failed to appreciate the good times, small gestures, and listening ears. So much, if not all, of the problem was me. I was waiting for needs to be met that could only be met by God, and I certainly wasn’t being the kind of friend that I kept hoping others would be to me.  

All of that to say that the concept of friendship has now come full circle for me. This is not intended as a pat on the back for myself in any way. It’s not that I’ve arrived in this area- it’s just that I’ve recognized my need to be a good friend. (Knowing something is true does not mean that you apply that truth.) So that’s where I’m at right now. Can I be the kind of friend who rises above the routine days of filling sippy cups, getting the kids dressed, changing diapers, re-filling the sippy cups, washing the same laundry that was dirty last week, making the beds (um….or not), wiping sticky faces, and re-filling those darn sippy cups again?! Yes, I can. One day at a time. One act at a time. One burden at a time. Let’s share in life together.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10