When sanctity of life became real to me: my heart on abortion

Life has a tendency to whiz by in a blur, but we all have some memories that are permanently etched into our minds. One such moment for me was watching my very own child via ultrasound for the first time. I was ten weeks pregnant at the time, so he still looked like a little alien. A very small, but very active little alien. But he was my alien. I called him my jumping bean. Tiny as his little arms and legs were, they were still flailing around like mad. I can picture it as though the screen were still in front of me. Life! Right there for me to see. It was one of the most thrilling moments I’ve ever experienced.

Almost nine years later, my little jumping bean is now my Stinkyface. (Don’t tell him I told you that nickname.) Not a single thing has happened in these nine years that gave my son life. Sure he needed some time to grow, and he’s still growing, but his life had already begun.  

January 22^nd marked the 41^st anniversary of the infamous Roe v. Wade decision. 41 years. That’s staggering. That’s ten years older than me. Babies have been legally murdered for 41 years in the United States of America.

Oh, God! God. Forgive us. We don’t know what we do.  

I think about my little jumping bean, all snug and warm in his safe little home. Fifty-some million other little beans (or babies at various stages all the way up through being fully viable) found out their home wasn’t a safe place to be over the past four decades here in America. An entire generation was wiped out before they had a chance to make their mark on the world. Before they were even given a chance at life.

Life! What a powerful word! When I stop to think about all that it entails, I get lost in it. I’m overwhelmed by it. It is beautiful and sacred and beyond comprehension.

I am honored to have a friend who chose life when the tough choice was hers to make. She faced an unplanned and, quite frankly, unwanted pregnancy. And that unwanted pregnancy turned into a very wanted and loved and incredible little boy. I can’t imagine life for her without him, and I can’t help but putting myself into her shoes and thinking about what my life would be like if I had chosen abortion for one of my own children.

 Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever thought about a child you know not being here? How about one of your own children? Even the imaginary scenario is enough to bring me to tears.

How many things about my life would be different if one of them weren’t here? Which one of them would I choose, if I had to pick one to live without? So many sweet, sweet memories of these little people I love so dearly. If I’d chosen to end their life before I knew them, I wouldn’t have ever experienced any of those tender moments.

I wouldn’t know the sweet smell of their little newborn head. The feel of their tiny body curled up on my chest. The look of innocence on their peaceful face as they slept. The sound of their tiny cry when they felt alarmed and yearned for mommy. I would never have even known their face! I can’t imagine not knowing, not staring endlessly, at the precious little faces of those little ones who are mine.

And that’s just the beginning.

My little jumping bean/Stinkyface is almost nine years old now. My other loves five, four, and nearly two. So, so many snuggles and giggles (my favorites.) There were first steps and first words and all those other firsts that are just as exciting with every new baby. There are new milestones and memories and good times and bad constantly in our household. We’ve had vacations and lazy days at home and even those stressful days trying to run a million errands. Challenges or no, every day was special. Every day of their life was a gift. On and on those memories go, and will continue to go.

 How could I give those all up? Even if I had never known them, how could I have given up those blessings that I knew would come along with each child?

How many mothers are out there wondering what their lives would have been like if they hadn’t chosen abortion? One quick google search will provide story after story of regret (though I don’t deny there are others who adamantly defend their decision.) I still know there are so very many mothers who count the birthdays they’ve missed. They wonder if their child’s giggles would have been soft and sweet or loud and contagious. They ache to think of all the “I wuv you mommy’s” that they’ll never get to hear. They long to hold tightly that little one that they never got to meet. They want desperately to gaze at a beautiful face that they’ll never have a chance to see in this life.

Empty arms. An empty cradle. Where there was life, now there is none. Heaven is filled with these little ones, but at what cost? Oh, God. Help us!

Help us to know there is hope for the one who feels shame or regret for the choice they have made. They need not try to hide their past. There is forgiveness and healing. There is beautiful, beautiful redemption. There is NO condemnation for those covered by the blood of Christ. Past mistakes have been separated from us and forgotten in a way that we can’t even comprehend. Speak that truth to our souls. That healing that we seek so desperately is found in You. Sometimes we are our own harshest critic, Lord. Help us to recognize that we are never out of reach of your forgiveness and grace. You offer it with no conditions. Help us to accept it. The past will ever remain in the past, and we need to take the necessary steps to move on in the present.

Help us as the body of Christ to offer the same grace that we have received. Our sin and our guilt is no less than that of another. We are just as weak, just as in need of You and your mercy. We only love You because You loved us first, and You loved us so we would love others. You comforted us in our affliction so that we can share that comfort with others. Help us to bear each other’s burdens. The church needs to be a safe place the hurting can run to, for those who are considering abortion or those who have already gone through with it.  Let us view the hurting through your eyes.

Help us to know that change in the world always, always starts by looking in the mirror. We need to be close to You, God. We need You to change our hearts. We need your Word and the Spirit to guide us. We need to abide in You, so that You will abide in us. All that is good comes from You, and we need your good to be light to the world. We can’t show the world your love when we’re rejecting it ourselves.

Help us to remember how important and effective prayer is in this battle. We say that we want you to end this tragedy, but how often do we ask you to do so? Do we really believe that our prayers count for something? That You’re listening? Help us to remember just how powerful You really are. This is THE most important action we can take to defend the innocent. We desperately need to seek both your face and your hand in this fight for life.

Help us to know how to fight this battle. Just like Bonhoeffer took a stand against the Nazis and Wilberforce against slavery, may we be counted among those who were bold enough to oppose this tragedy. Not just behind closed doors, Lord. Help us to boldly proclaim the truth about the sanctity of life. Give us leaders who have the wisdom and boldness to guide those of us who often want to do more and are unsure how to fight. We’re each accountable for the action (or non-action) we take. Help us to turn our good intentions into meaningful engagement. We can’t all be sidewalk counselors, but we can all do something. It’s not enough to want to help.

Help us not to forget how precious life really is. You knit us together… Help us to understand the implications of this glorious truth. The God of the universe formed our very existence. We are here for a reason. We are not products of chance, not clumps of cells, not punishments for mistakes. Life, and all its ups and downs, is beautiful. You make it beautiful. So teach us what it means to live like we believe this.

Help us not to give up in what seems to be an endless battle. Our easily distracted minds want to move on to the next big thing. Or we want to join in a fight that has more tangible victories. Don’t let us forget, Lord. These tiny ones can’t speak for themselves. Give us the boldness and the compassion to open our mouths and do it for them! The abortion industry is still out there, even while we’re choosing to think on lesser things, and it’s thriving. It’s hard to hang in there for the long haul, but we can’t keep sticking the knowledge of this tragedy on a back burner in our minds. We’ve got to keep up the fight!

Amidst all the bad news, sometimes we forget that that there are lives being saved out there! There are women who are choosing life for their babies. There are the faithful who pray and counsel and speak truth. They’re engaged in this warfare, and we can join them. Every life counts. We can’t keep allowing ourselves to be distracted, because God put us here for a reason. God put us here for such a time as this.

Resources for post-abortion healing:

National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing: http://www.noparh.org/

Victims of Choice: http://victimsofchoice.org/find-help/ (Only certain states are listed, but some of the centers offer long-distance help.)

A quick reminder about God’s forgiveness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4KJgrnlgLE

Food for thought:

Tough questions for pro-choicers: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/trevinwax/2012/10/24/10-questions-a-pro-choice-candidate-is-never-asked-by-the-media/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=10-questions-a-pro-choice-candidate-is-never-asked-by-the-media

Argument against abortion: http://garbandier.tumblr.com/post/74787876722/a-bakhtinian-plea-against-abortion

Euthanasia in Belgium: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/14/world/europe/belgium-close-to-enacting-sick-child-euthanasia-law.html?_r=0

Testimony of abortion survivor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOWMmx6eBjU

Ways to get involved:

Heartbeat International: http://www.heartbeatinternational.org/hbi-get-involved/ways-to-get-involved

Find a local pregnancy center: http://pregnancydecisionline.org/get-help/

Right to Life: http://www.nrlc.org/

Possible resources to help start a post-abortion recovery group: http://www.abortionrecoveryinternational.org/resources/healingresourcesforwomen/tabid/83/Default.aspx

**These lists are in no way exhaustive. Please feel free to comment with resources/organizations that you have found helpful.

If I could just control everything...

 

Today has indeed been a discouraging day. Is there anything more frustrating than a situation that’s out of your control?! Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs, and another part of me wants to bury my face in a pillow and cry.

Six years ago, my husband and I took a step of faith (or possibly naïveté) and moved to another area without selling our home. We were so convinced that God would provide a buyer in no time. There was never a doubt in our minds that we might not be making the right decision.

Fast forward to today. Six years and three selling attempts later, I sit in desperation, wondering what in the world we can possibly do to get that stinking house sold already! (Short of burning that sucker to the ground.) It’s not that we can’t do anything at all to help in the process, but ultimately we can’t force anyone to buy our home. (Unfortunately.)

In truth, desperation is not a good word to use. I’m not without hope. And really when I start to compare my problem with the truly significant ones of others, it seems pretty inconsequential. But let’s be honest- sometimes even that truth doesn’t help the frustration go away. I want our six-year problem solved, and I want it solved NOW!!

So what does one do in times like this? Aside from whining and venting about it. Inevitably, I make those poorer choices first, and then I turn to the healer of my soul. I take refuge in what I know to be true.

·         “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”( I Pet. 5:7) Despite the fact that it’s not usually my first choice, it is always a marvelous and intimate experience to pour my heart out to God. Even my closest earthly friends can’t compare. Somehow he never grows tired of hearing about the same old problems that I’m facing. He listens because he cares, and he knows that he designed me in such a way that I need to pour my heart out to him. I need to surrender my burdens, and he is more than capable of bearing them.   

 

·         “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34) Sometimes the best action to take is really a non-action. Stop stressing about it! Easier said than done, but I know from past experience that it’s not impossible. Worrying does not, I repeat, does not improve the situation.

 

·          “…but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.” (Phil. 3:13b) On a similar note, I also need not worry about the past. Honestly, I have no idea if we made the right decision initially, but I do know that there’s no way to go back and change it.  I’ve got to be honest with myself and admit that beating myself up about past decisions never solves the problem (or helps in any way whatsoever.) So when those self-condemning thoughts arise, I literally have to tell myself, “These thoughts are not helpful. They’re hurting me and my family. I’m not going to entertain them.” And then I change the subject. (On good days.)

 

·         “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Rom. 8:28) Don’t dismiss this as glib just because so many people have taken it out of context! One of the hardest lessons for me to learn throughout my life has been that God working things together for my good does NOT look like what I want it to look like. (If I’d bothered to study that chapter further, I may have saved myself some heartache.) “My good” is not the equivalent of God’s stamp of approval on the plans I’ve made for myself. Sometimes (often times) it’s the polar opposite of what I want. But I know, deep down, that God’s plans will draw me closer to Him and teach me lessons I didn’t realize I needed to learn. Sigh. I know that does not sound fun, but I also know that I’ll be grateful for it in the end.

 

·         “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Rom. 12:2) It sure would be nice if my mind just renewed automatically. Since that’s not an option, I really have to make this a priority by putting time and effort into maintaining a close relationship with God. (Women especially put much thought and effort into improving our marriage relationship, but in reality, many of us could stand to focus on our relationship with God first.) Praying and meditating on Scripture seem like such easy tasks, but somehow they often get pushed to the back burner. And yet, life is always easier when I continue to give precedence to these disciplines. Or at least I get through the chaos easier. There’s a big difference. If I want to fight the stress and negative thoughts, then I have to have my mind in the right place to begin with.

 

God is faithful. He really is. Not only is the Bible full of testimonies to his faithfulness, but so is my own story. He has proven himself time and time again. He will never forsake me, and He fills me up with peace when I surrender all this junk that I’m feeling.

Will the house ever sell? I don’t know. But it really doesn’t matter.

There are countless other situations that I won’t be able to control, so I better get used to them. When situations like this arise, it’s a battle to control my racing thoughts, calm my fears, answer my questions, etc. But it’s not a battle that I have to fight alone. It’s not a battle that I’ll ever win alone. God is here with me in the conflict. I can rest in Him and in his promises.

“Hear my cry, O God; give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Ps. 61:1-2)

On Philip Seymour Hoffman and addiction

The world lost a brilliant actor yesterday morning. Philip Seymour Hoffman may not have had an abundance of leading film roles, and you may not even recognize his name, but it is widely agreed that he was incredibly talented. (Film biography here if you’re not sure who I’m referring to: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000450/?ref_=nv_sr_3)

 In search of more details this morning, I came across a CNN article about Hoffman’s death. Such a tragedy. But leave it to the internet masses to immediately ruin my contemplative mood after reading a moving article. A great number of readers made comments consisting of sweeping judgments about the character and/or worth of a complete stranger.

For anyone who hasn’t heard, Hoffman was found dead in his underwear on the bathroom floor of his apartment, a syringe in his arm and numerous envelopes of heroin scattered throughout his home. It breaks my heart to think about the pain he must have been suffering to make him feel like he needed to cope in this way. Almost as heart-breaking are the various accusations about how foolish he was to use heroin, how selfish he was to do this to his family, or how irresponsible he was to not get help for his addiction. Angry rants from angry people.

Was he foolish to use heroin? Yes.

Was it selfish to leave his family this way? Yes.

Was he irresponsible to not get help for his addiction? Yes.

Does pointing these things out right now help Philip Seymour Hoffman, his family, and/or those struggling with drug addictions? Certainly not the former two, and from a complete stranger, probably not the latter. There is a time for public outcry of evil, but this is not it.

I’ve never heard a single person sing the praises of heroin users. A single sane person anyway. Nor have I heard a single person claim that drug addiction was unselfish or a responsible behavior.

So I pose the question…. Why try to make those points at all? Really, truly, genuinely… W-h-y???

Do comments like this make us feel like we’re making a difference in the fight against drug addiction? Do we honestly think the general public disagrees with us on those points? Do they make us feel like we’re morally superior because we’ve never been users? Among the Christian sphere, do they make us feel like we’re spreading the Gospel by denouncing one particular sin?

I really don’t know. And I would be guilty of the same heart judgments that I’m decrying if I assumed these things. So I’ll just let those making the harsh accusations search out their motivations for themselves.

And in the meantime, I pray that this tragedy will move the rest of us to compassion. There’s never been a question as to whether or not there are hurting people in the world. Or whether or not someone close to us is struggling with addictions, be they easily condemnable or socially acceptable. (There are more addicts around us than we’d care to admit.) So let’s not just sit around pointing fingers and making internet posts. (Said pointing a finger at myself.) Let’s get our hands dirty and help.

It’s hard, SO very hard to ask for help when we’re struggling. Drug addiction or not, we’re all battling something. A fact we often fail to take into account before we open our mouth to denounce the shortcomings of those around us. Jesus himself told an angry mob that whoever was without sin should be the first to cast a stone.

When someone we love is struggling, of course it is our responsibility to lovingly speak truth to them. But let’s be bold enough to approach someone personally, not just publicly denounce a wide-ranging problem. Let’s be brutally honest, but also kind. The truth will hurt enough on its own. And let’s be the kind of friends who stay around to help through the long haul. Maybe even for a lifetime.

I’ve heard incredible stories of individuals who have overcome addictions, but I can’t recall any that didn’t involve another character in the story who was holding that individual accountable. Someone who opened both their eyes and their heart to them. Someone who took the time to get involved in their life. Someone who was willing to ask awkward questions. Someone who endured through the ups and downs. Someone who supported rather than condemned. Someone who took the time to be a part of the solution to the problem rather than just point out the obvious reality of the problem. Someone who stopped yelling insults from the sidelines and got involved in the game.

That is how we fight to keep more tragic stories from being told.

(Clearly this is not a definitive list of how to help someone break free from addictions as serious as Hoffman’s, but I think it’s a good place to start.)

Why I stopped asking God to use me

I have a confession to make. I struggle, and I mean really struggle, with feeling insignificant at times. I’m not saying this so that everyone can respond with kind reassurances that I really am significant. I know that I am. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have down days.

I don’t get much accomplished on down days. Unless you consider reading the posts on all my friend’s facebook pages and catching up on all my turns in Scramble with Friends accomplishments. On the really down days, it can be a struggle just to get up off the couch to make lunch for my kids. The fact that I’m a stay-at-home mom doesn’t exactly help me put up a good fight. The best cure for the blues is the polar opposite of what my typical day looks like. And thus, the vicious battle for my mind ensues.

Does anything that I’m doing count for eternity? Will my children even remember all the sacrifices I made for them when they get older? Will the wisdom that I’ve tried to impart to them be discarded someday for the latest and greatest way of thinking? Or am I too caught up in the daily grind to even take the time to impart wisdom to them? Do I honestly demonstrate to them what it means to love someone unconditionally?

And what of the world outside my home bubble? Am I really giving my all to minister to those around me? Am I loving my neighbor as myself? Am I taking the Gospel to the ends of the earth? Does my life inspire those around me to seek Christ? If I died, would I have left a lasting mark on this world? Would my life have counted for something?

When I was younger, I was one hundred percent certain that I would one day be a full-time missionary. I had no interest in being “lukewarm,” and I desperately wanted God to use me to make a real difference in the world. I went on all the mission trips that were available to me in high school, started out as a Spanish major in college, and married a man who thought he was interested in missions as well. We looked into several different missions organizations, but then his excitement fizzled out. It was just the natural result of me trying to force my dream onto him. I pursued a psychology degree in lieu of a missions-oriented degree, in hopes that I could minister as a guidance counselor or something similar here in the states. (Until he realized of course that his true calling was on the mission field overseas.)

 Isaiah settled into a career with Sherwin Williams, we moved to Baltimore, and just five months after graduating college, we found out we were expecting our first child. That well-known John Lennon quote rang true for us. “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

Four kids and nine years later, here we are. In the same town we grew up in. Not on the mission field. Not even in ministry positions. What happened? Well, life happened.

After a year in Baltimore, Isaiah was promoted to store manager just a couple hours from our former home sweet home. It had finally sunk in that we wouldn’t be going to the mission field soon, so I determined that I would participate in missions right where God had planted me. Thus, the “Hands and Feet” ministry of Wytheville Baptist Church was born. We organized a local clothes closet for the needy, gave out free hot chocolate at Walmart on a chilly day, cleaned out gutters for local widows, and more. Isaiah and I also volunteered as leaders in the church youth group. I was finally “being used” by God, and yet somehow it wasn’t enough.

In my frustration I hijacked the role of the Holy Spirit in the life of my husband. I convinced him that he was called to be a youth pastor, and so we made the decision to return to our beloved Lynchburg, where he could work and take seminary courses for free at Liberty University. My four years of “patience” had paid off. As soon as he received his degree, he would apply for a ministry position somewhere that we were really needed, and God would use us in amazing ways.

[Now enters the birth of our second child.]

Rather than wait until his degree was complete to seek out a ministry position, Isaiah decided to accept a part-time youth pastor job in addition to his regular job and seminary work. I was hesitant because of our growing list of major life changes, but who was I to turn down a genuine opportunity to be used by God? And so, we found ourselves in a small town, an even smaller church, and leading a still smaller group of teens. I was living the dream. That is, until the dream came crashing down around me.

From the outside, things probably looked fine, but boy can looks ever be deceiving. Adjusting to two, and very soon three, children was tougher than I had anticipated for a suck-it-up-cupcake gal like myself. I struggled to even keep my faith for myself, much less impart it to these teenagers who were looking to me for guidance. Our marriage was struggling, I battled depression on and off, and that voice telling me that I needed to change the world was STILL there insisting I wasn’t doing enough. Life seemed so hopeless and shallow. Certainly all was vanity.

Then God radically changed my outlook on life. (Story recorded here, if you're interested: http://mykidsfavoritemom.blogspot.com/2013/12/peace-on-earth.html)

Not only did my anger and skepticism diminish, but God gradually began to transform my thinking in many different areas of my life. Eventually I had to be honest with myself about this consuming desire I had to be used by God to change the world. It took several years, but I can finally (on most days) acknowledge that my life as a homemaker has the potential to glorify God just as much as it would if I were involved in full-time missions, or even a full-time job of any kind.

I was thinking earlier today about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and what an unglamorous life she lived. She may be praised now, but she certainly wasn’t while she was alive. (Which is, you know, typically when it’s nice to receive some affirmation.) She endured long days filled with diaper changes, child rearing, house cleaning, food preparation, etc., much like the women of today, except without our modern conveniences. I think it’s safe to say that Joseph was a typical man, so there was no fairy tale marriage to be spoken of. Mary lived a normal life with normal problems. Jesus didn’t even perform his first miracle until he was thirty, so she couldn’t even take advantage of his ability to clean the house with a snap of his fingers. How frustrating would that be?! Even when Jesus began to gain some fame, he still wasn’t respected in his own hometown. (So much so that they tried to throw him off a cliff.) Somehow I doubt Mary benefitted from her son’s renown in the slightest. And THEN she had to watch him die an excruciating death.

All this to say that by normal standards, Mary didn’t live a life that most would envy. And yet, she lived a tremendously significant life. A difficult, mostly monotonous, but beautiful life. A life that changed the world forever.

So it follows that I don’t need to feel significant to be significant. I don’t need to ask God to use me, because my prayer becomes more about me than about God. It focuses on my emotional state rather than what he’s already told me is good… “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”  (Micah 6:8) Pretty simplistic. He didn’t ask me to change the world, because ultimately he’s the one who does that. I’m just called to remain faithful, even when I don’t feel like it.

God already told me that my life had meaning, and I need to take him at his word.

 I was created in the very image of God. (Gen. 1:26)

 God himself knit me together. (Ps. 139:13)

God loved me before I ever did anything to try and please him. (Rom. 5:8)

There is a plan for my life- one that is filled with the hope of God. (Jer. 29:11)

The power of Christ is manifested in my weakness, not in my strength. (II Cor. 12:9)

Am I saying that I plan to stop trying to please God, live a life of relative ease, and haphazardly wait for God to shove me through open doors? Certainly not. I’m called to daily take up my cross and follow Christ. Doesn’t sound like a walk in the park to me.

But I also know that I’m called to trust God with the results of my labors. Abraham and Sarah had to wait an awfully long time to see God’s promises fulfilled. So did Noah. So did Moses. The list goes on and on. I might have to wait a long time, too, or I might never even know how I’ve impacted the lives of others. But the point is- it doesn’t matter. I’m asked to give my all, and I will. And when I don’t, I’ll put the past behind me and press on towards the goal.

Sometimes I have to lay down these feelings of worthlessness again, so I can be reminded of the truth. My worth is not tied up in visible accomplishments. I’m not God, but I am significant. I’m here for a reason, and I make a difference. So the next time I have a down day, I need only look up to remember that my life has a purpose. And so does yours.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  II Corinthians 4:16-18

Practical Tips for Parents

I am comfortable enough in my own skin to admit that I am much more likely to be featured on the Mom Fail site than on Pinterest. I was thinking about this today as I was cutting some coupons, namely because of how few I was snipping out before throwing the rest of the coupon insert into the recycling bin. Part of me thought, “You could save so much more money if you’d keep all of these and check the grocery store ads for where the coupons and sale items match up.” Then the realist in me responded with “Shut up!” Seriously, though. I know I won’t do that, and then I will just have an over-abundance of coupons, and then I’ll be too overwhelmed to even pull them out at the store, and then I’ll have to throw them all away when they expire while thinking about how some moms can post pictures on facebook of their giant pile of groceries that they got for $1.27, and then I’ll drown my sorrows with a Frappuccino. So on to the main point!

I decided to compile a list of helpful things that I actually have had to learn over the years. Some of them may actually be helpful, but most of them not so much.

1.       Make your grocery list in the order of where the items are in the store. You’ll need every ounce of energy you possess directed toward keeping your child happy and/or distracted for the duration of the shopping trip. If you neglect this tip and need to buy any more than three things, you will inevitably have to walk through the entire store twice to get everything you need.

2.       Bring that list with you to the store. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s really so much more helpful when you don’t leave it on the table at home.

3.       When you have a small child, make every effort to wear clothing that resembles the color of snot during cold season. That way no one will notice the actual streaks of snot on your shoulders.

4.       Always keep an empty laundry basket or bin on hand. This is so you can run frantically through the house throwing everything in sight into it when the doorbell rings.

5.       On a similar note, if you’ve been missing your in-laws, simply let the house go to pot. They’ll be sure to drop by unannounced.

6.       Never EVER, no matter how tempting it is, shove your dirty dishes into the oven in last minute cleaning desperation. You will not, I repeat, will not remember that they’re in there before turning on the oven. (Then you may or may not have the smell of a melted plastic spatula permeating your home for several hours afterward.)

7.       Pick out your clothes and your children’s clothes the night before. You might think this is a time-saving tip, but really it’s just to ensure that everyone actually does have clean underwear to put on in the morning.

8.       Have a serious heart to heart with your husband about the importance of not using potty humor with your children. It will be incredibly hard to break them of this habit when Daddy is participating wholeheartedly.

9.       Never use the TV as a babysitter. *Giggling* Yeah, that was the funniest one yet.

10.   The best way to get your kids to stop whining is to put in some headphones and listen to a lively Pandora station. (At least I think this works. It’s hard to tell with Broadway show tunes playing in my ear.)

11.   Wait until your toddler’s naptime to load the dishwasher. Unloading the dishwasher with the toddler present will actually be easier.

12.   Invest in a mommy hook for your stroller. You’ll want to be carrying as little as possible when your kids hand you things they’re perfectly capable of carrying themselves so their hands can remain completely empty.

13.   If your baby is suffering from constipation, try dressing them in their nicest clothes. This way, they’ll unavoidably have a blowout and stain said nice clothing.

14.   Be sure to bring plenty of entertainment for long trips. You’ll need something to distract your mind away from your kids constantly nagging you to tell them if you’re almost there yet.

15.   Put breakable items in your children’s toy boxes. Then pretend like all of their toys are off limits. This is a surefire way to protect your valuables.

16.   Don’t bother quarantining sick children or trying to sanitize 99.8% of all germs in your home. Whatever virus they have will spread like wildfire amongst your family, despite your best efforts. (And it will strike in the middle of the night if it's a stomach bug.)

17.   Practice makes perfect when it comes to expressing an authentic whiny voice. Use it to respond to your children so they can look at you like you’re crazy for sounding exactly like they just did.

18.   Feed your babies as MUCH as possible to make them plump. Then when they refuse to eat every meal you fix when they get a bit older, they won’t die.

19.   Plan to leave the house half an hour earlier than you actually need to and stick to it!! None of that, “Well, really we don’t need to leave until…” nonsense. This way you might just make it out the door in time. (After you’ve taken your child potty, cleaned up the spilt milk on the counter, found the missing shoe, and solved the latest sibling crisis all after the original time you intended to leave.)

20.   Cut yourself some slack, parents! Find a legitimate list of helpful tips (not the aforementioned rubbish), and use the process of trial and error to figure out what works for your family. If it sounds too easy to be true, then a complete stranger will definitely judge you for not utilizing it in your home.

 

The NOT Matt Walsh Blog

Let me first write a disclaimer here. I have only fully read one of Matt Walsh’s blog posts, and partially read five of them. I’ve seen his work reposted many a time, but I have to admit that I am just not impressed. The reason that I only partially read five was because I had a hard time stomaching all of the disrespect and sarcasm. Don’t get me wrong- I love sarcasm! (No, really. I do. I wasn’t being sarcastic.) I appreciate the humor of it and concede that there are appropriate times to use it to get your point across. I just don’t consider the way that Matt Walsh used it in this post: http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/01/07/monogamy-is-unnatural/  to be one such time.

Here’s this professor. A man who wants nothing to do with Christianity or the morals that are promoted therein. He writes a letter to a professing Christian, likely expecting to be ridiculed, as that seems to be a pattern for Matt Walsh based on the six blog posts I viewed. And Walsh did not disappoint, depending on your perspective, that is. My perspective is this: when someone who doesn’t know Jesus interacts with me, I want them to walk away having seen at least a glimpse of who Jesus is. I want what Jesus wants in II Peter 3:9. “[The Lord] is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

Can anyone honestly (honestly, now) tell me that they believe that Walsh’s response will lead to repentance for this professor- to a greater understanding of a loving Savior? How about even a greater understanding of the benefits of a monogamous relationship? It certainly wouldn’t if it were me. I’d be so angry that this guy I don’t even know had the gall to call me an imbecile, after claiming to have a personal relationship with a God who is love, that I wouldn’t care if he had irrefutable evidence that monogamous relationships are superior. And I definitely wouldn’t think, “Oh, ok. NOW I get it. Now I see why Jesus is appealing. All it took was for someone to insult me publicly and call me names!” (See? I told you I appreciated sarcasm!) Seriously, though. When was the last time someone treated you like a moron, and you walked away thinking, “I should take a lesson from that guy.”

Several passages of Scripture keep re-surfacing in my mind. First up is Ephesians 4:29. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Maybe I’m not up with the times, but I wouldn’t really call that response “building up.” Nor would I call it wholesome.

Next up is Proverbs 15:1. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I already touched on this. This kind of response is definitely going to stir up some anger. How powerful Walsh’s response could have been if he had simply reflected on the beauty of marriage without the anger!

Some of you may be ready to cry hypocrisy because I’m criticizing Walsh for his criticisms, but hear me out. Criticism in and of itself is rarely a problem. Where we so often fail is the way we go about it. We are called to speak the truth in love. Why does Proverbs say that the wounds of a friend are faithful? Because we are to speak truth, even when it’s awkward and painful, for the good and edification of those around us. The pain is temporary, but the personal growth that results will last forever. Christ Himself had his criticisms recorded, and He even got angry about it. But a monumentally important question is- who was that anger directed toward? Those within the church, not those outside of it. He was a friend of sinners, but He reserved his harshest judgments for the religious elite. It is not my intent to call Matt Walsh any names or insult him personally, but I just cannot sit idly by and watch him represent Christ in this way. If we truly want to be fishers of men, then this is not the bait we should be using.  

The last but certainly not least applicable passage is I Corinthians 13:1-2. “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” Nothing. It’s all in vain. All the best arguments. All the witty responses. All the truth spoken in a condescending manner. They’re nothing without love. Yes, you’re right, Matt Walsh. Monogamy is beautiful. It is to be celebrated. But why? Because it is based on love. It is evidence of love. Marriage is the very best representation that Christ could give us of the unconditional love that He offers to each of us. The very heart of the issue you’re trying to defend here has been omitted completely from your response.

The word love has been misrepresented and sometimes perverted by our culture, but God takes the time to define it in the same chapter. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I can’t judge Walsh’s heart and his motives. Truly I cannot. What I do know is that the harsh words he has chosen do not meet up to this high and beautiful standard that God has set. God is love, and we are His body. His hands and feet. The salt of the earth. The light of the world. A city set on a hill. When the world can’t find God, they look to us. So let’s be who Christ has called us to be. Let’s love how Christ has called us to love. The fields are white for the harvest.

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” I Cor. 13:13

You've Got a Friend in Me

Lest the title deceive you, this is not a post about Toy Story, but let me just go ahead and say you’re welcome for getting that song stuck in your head. (I could probably name every blog post from here on out with a Disney quote and never use the same one twice, but I digress.)

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a good friend. So many of my friends are going through difficult situations right now, and I feel like I’m here just enjoying my blessed life in the midst of them. Life seems to pass by in cycles, and I know hard times will come my way again. But in the meantime, I don’t want to keep myself separate from the struggles of those around me. I’ve always hated that “Do They Know It’s Christmas” line, “Tonight thank God it’s them, instead of you.” (Ok, I confess. Really I hate that entire song.) That’s the polar opposite of the attitude I desire to have.

Galatians 6:2 is a verse that keeps coming to mind. “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” I started thinking about this particular verse during church this week. We were singing a song about brokenness, and my mind started to wander. (As a whole, my mind is terribly prone to wandering.) I started thinking about those who are broken around me- those who are carrying heavy burdens. Then I began to wonder if I was fulfilling the law of Christ. Am I truly bearing their burdens?

Honestly, I start to feel a little panicky when I really start to contemplate ALL of the burdens of those around me. I can barely get my clan dressed and out the door on time on a regular basis, much less be a help to everyone else around me! But this is one of many verses that needs to be read with discernment. I can’t bear the weight of the world by myself. Only Christ can, and did. What I can do is choose to take a long, hard look at those who are a part of my life. Who do I know today that is struggling? What is one small (or maybe big) thing that I can do to help bear their burden? If I really want those answers, then I am really going to have to look on purpose. It will probably be a process, and not just one quick check off my to-do list.

 And really, I should be sharing in the good times as well. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Rom. 12:15) How can you really share in someone’s grief if you never shared in their joy? Life is made up of high highs and low lows, and true friends remain through them all.

I spent a good chunk of my adult life with a backwards view of what it means to be a friend. (I don’t even want to get into what kind of friend I was at a younger age. Sheesh.) I prayed and prayed for the longest time that God would send along a friend who could relate to my every struggle, who would hold me accountable in all my weak areas, who would walk with me through thick and thin. I used to meet new people and wonder if they might finally be the one who would want to be my best friend. It’s a little embarrassing to put that out there, but it’s the truth.  It wasn’t that I had no one- I did. I just had expectations that were WAY too high. (I think that may be a theme in my life.) I finally stopped praying for a friend and just asked God to take that longing away. I prayed that He would fill that hole in my heart instead. That’s the kind of prayer that God loves to answer. Looking back now, I can see how much I took my friends for granted. I failed to appreciate the good times, small gestures, and listening ears. So much, if not all, of the problem was me. I was waiting for needs to be met that could only be met by God, and I certainly wasn’t being the kind of friend that I kept hoping others would be to me.  

All of that to say that the concept of friendship has now come full circle for me. This is not intended as a pat on the back for myself in any way. It’s not that I’ve arrived in this area- it’s just that I’ve recognized my need to be a good friend. (Knowing something is true does not mean that you apply that truth.) So that’s where I’m at right now. Can I be the kind of friend who rises above the routine days of filling sippy cups, getting the kids dressed, changing diapers, re-filling the sippy cups, washing the same laundry that was dirty last week, making the beds (um….or not), wiping sticky faces, and re-filling those darn sippy cups again?! Yes, I can. One day at a time. One act at a time. One burden at a time. Let’s share in life together.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10