Where have you been, God?

Life is a battle. There are good days and bad, and usually the difference is not found in the circumstances. The difference is within me. 

Externally speaking, things can be fine. They can even be great! And yet, when my relationship with Christ is not what it should be, life just isn’t the same. It loses its luster. It becomes dry and bland.

Sometimes God seems to be silent. I speak to Him, but my words just echo back at me. I look for Him, but I can’t seem to find Him. It’s not a new phenomenon. David recorded the same sentiments in the Psalms all those many years ago. Sometimes we only see shadows where there should be light.

I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t always know why this happens. What I do know is that I often invite the problem upon myself, though.

Sleep in a couple days here, make excuses not to have a quiet time later in the day there, fill my life with busy-ness and try to cram God in, etc. Pretty soon, I lose sight of what my life is about. I get downcast because my purpose has been lost. God, while near, seems far away.

The truth of God’s words to Cain shortly after the beginning of our world still apply to me today. “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?  If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

Sin is real, and it is crouching at my door.

Once I start to get a little distant from God, it’s much easier for sin to make its move. See, now I’ve cracked open the door just a wee little sliver and given sin the opportunity it needed. Suddenly it’s incredibly difficult to fight those feelings of self-pity that rise up. I didn’t put on my armor for the day, and now I can’t seem to find that shield of faith when doubt makes an attack. One small step after the other has led to being much farther along the broad road than I ever intended to go. Little slip-ups led to bigger ones, and I'm ashamed of where I've ended up. I got lost in enemy territory, so it’s no wonder I stopped hearing the voice of my own Commander.

I tend to feel as though God abandoned me, but eventually I’ll have to admit that it was I who made the choice to wander away again. Sigh. 

“…what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do… O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord…” Rom. 7:15, 24-25

I forgot what I already knew to be true from I Peter 5:8. “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

I need my time with God. I need it more than some extra sleep. I need it more than I need to load the dishwasher or catch up on my laundry or have some social interactions. I need it more than all of the demands on my time that I face every day. I need it because I need God Himself. He is my living water, and I never thirst when I drink from Him. He is the bread of life, and I never hunger when I partake of Him. 

I forgot to be vigilant. Or rather I chose not be. 

And yet… Here you are, Jesus. I found You once more, because You found me first. You left the ninety-nine to find your wandering lamb (again). Sweet forgiveness is mine. I am washed and made whiter than snow. I am restored. It is no small gift- no privilege to casually accept. I was bought with a price.

Will the vicious cycle continue? I’ve no doubt it will. I’m still stuck in this earthen vessel. There will be ups and downs, but God will remain constant. And yet, I recognize that the closer I draw to God, the less frequently I stumble. And the less painful and devastating the falls become. There is hope!

“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust…I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.” Ps. 18:2-3

So I will put the past behind me and press on. I won’t dwell on past mistakes, because I know that a righteous man falls and rises again. I will fight not as one beating the air aimlessly. I will run with the intent to win the race. I will rest in the knowledge that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. I know that the road will 

be difficult, but I also know that Christ bears my burdens. His yoke is easy. His strength shines through my weakness. I can trust Him to direct my paths. I never need to despair.

“We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” II Cor. 4:8-9,16-17

He has spoken to me, and He wants to speak to me still. But I have got to abide in Him if I wish for Him to abide in me. 

Yes, life is a battle. The battle will remain. But thank God I know the outcome.

 “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Jn. 16:33

Pro-abortion movement promotes the idea of life in the womb?

 Emily Letts is a 25-year-old abortion counselor in New Jersey. She recently posted this video of herself having an abortion. (It's not graphic in the least.) Mostly it features her smiling and talking about how lucky she is to have so much support. The video went viral after it took first place in the Abortion Care Network's stigma busting video competition.

 A stigma busting competition? Really? An actual promotion designed to find ways to remove the "stigma" of ending your child's life? Think of the implications of this battle tactic. Fellow pro-lifers, we must not stop fighting!


Please don't misunderstand. I'm not about shaming women who recognize they have made a mistake. Christ offers healing and forgiveness, and so should His people. But I am also not about sitting idly by while the pro-abortion movement attempts to remove all responsibility from mothers to protect the lives of their children. This video, and especially the ideology behind it, is a BIG deal. This isn't your typical abortion advocate's defense.

Emily Letts  reflects on her abortion experience with the words, "I don't feel like a bad person. I don't feel sad. I feel in awe of the fact that I can make a baby. I can make a life."

God, forgive us. We do know what we do. And we do it anyway. 

Her disclosure didn't end there, either. In a Cosmo article, Letts speaks of being fascinated by women giving birth and growing life. Her exact words. And in one of the most baffling decisions I've ever heard of, she explained that this fascination led to her job as an abortion counselor. 

Beg pardon? Growing life is such a fascinating process that she chose to help others end it? 

After watching the video, my initial thought was, "Victory! A pro-abortion advocate just accidentally let it slip that babies in the womb are alive!" But then I read the follow-up article, and it hit me. That wasn't a slip. Those weren't careless remarks. The fact that she watched documentaries and studied all about babies' development says that she's given this some real thought. And then decided to work in abortion clinic and choose an abortion for her baby. This baby that she had conceded was alive and growing. 

The baby. 

From her own mouth: b-a-b-y. 

She chose to record the moment when she ended her baby's life, and then promote that video for the world to see. So women can know that there is no shame in ending your child's life. At least both sides might finally be on the same page. If that's a positive thing. It's certainly a heartbreaking thing.

And speaking of heartbreaking, I decided to watch some other abortion videos before writing this post. I didn’t want to watch them. Hearing the description of how babies are pulled apart was bad enough. And I've seen pictures of their innocent, lifeless, mutilated bodies. I felt like I needed to watch the actual process, though. 

Letts is actually the reason I made that decision. I was included in her statement, "People have such strong opinions on abortion, but they don’t actually know what it looks like." So now I do, though not after watching her video. Ironic that one of her goals was to show an abortion, since none of the abortion was actually shown. What she meant (and expounded on elsewhere) was that there were few abortions documented from the mother's perspective.

And that's really another point that I just CANNOT wrap my mind around. I know what it means to be a mother. I've experienced the beautiful process of a life growing in me, and I still marvel when I reflect on it. I treasure those memories. Life is beautiful and precious and sacred and valuable. Her video may have been a mother's perspective, but it was certainly not every mother's perspective. 

If one is genuinely concerned about wanting to determine what abortion looks like, then they need to view it from both perspectives. Whether or not the mother is smiling in denial, the baby's perspective is the same each time. There is a foreign object entering their home, and it's no longer the safe haven it was meant to be. And depending on how old the baby is, their level of agitation and pain increases. I firmly believe that Emily Letts is right on this point- every woman needs to see what an abortion looks like.

One of the biggest hypocrisies of the pro-choice movement is their proclamation that they want women to make an informed choice. They declare that the pro-life movement wants to deceive women and give them "invasive" ultrasounds. Because how dare we make women aware of what the "tissue" in their womb looks like, right? And how dare we allow women to even know that there are other options besides abortion? Who came up with the label "pro-choice" anyway?

Currently, I'm thinking of the recent actions taken by NARAL Pro-Choice America. They are actively campaigning yahoo, and have already campaigned google, to remove crisis pregnancy center ads from popping up when an "abortion clinic" search is made. I'm not exaggerating. It's right on their own website. The truth of how successful they've been is disputed, so I'm not sure of the details. What I do know is that if you search "crisis pregnancy center Roanoke, VA", a NARAL Pro-choice America article will be in your results. Something tells me they won't petition to remove those as well.

Angry. I'm just so angry right now. It's frustrating to sit here and watch our technologically advanced nation futilely deny that there is a child in the womb. And now, we may be seeing an increase in those who don't even bother to deny life exists, but still justify their abortion as their choice. I honestly don't know if this is a growing trend for the pro-abortion movement- I just know that they are promoting the video that states the idea. 

For Emily Letts at least, her choice seems to boil down to this, "I knew what I was going to do was right, because it was right for me, and no one else."

Sigh. How do you even argue that? It's not even a matter of determining whether abortion is right or wrong, because there is no right or wrong. How do you change someone's entire worldview?

You can't.

But God can! I'm such a naturally pessimistic person that stories like this make me want to despair. (As did the abortion videos.) I cannot allow myself to dwell on those feelings, though. And I can't allow myself to become overwhelmed by the enormity and the gravity of the task at hand. God is bigger than even this.

God can change hearts. He is in the business of changing hearts. Ultimately, it's His job to transform the self-centered notion that there are no moral absolutes. It's my job to do exactly what He's already asked me to do, and it's a job that I should be taking very seriously. I can't stop praying, boldly proclaiming the truth, staying informed, and taking advantage of every opportunity I can to end this massacre.

And I absolutely cannot give up, because every life counts.

     

The Most Adorable Prayer Ever

My four-year-old daughter is pretty darn cute, and I’m not just saying that because she’s mine. Take a look for yourself. 

And her cuteness isn’t just skin deep, because she is constantly saying the most adorable things (not to mention her speech impediment just makes anything sound cuter). One of my favorite things to hear from her is prayer. My kids take turns praying before dinner, but I personally prefer when it’s her turn. 

Here is an example from her evening prayer back in January.

Sank you faw dinna, eben doe I didden like suna tassewole. Sank you faw my famwy so I won’t be awone. Sank you faw Fwissmas Ebe befaw Fwissmas. Sank you faw Fwissmas affer Fwissmas Ebe. Sank you faw my mom and my dad and my bwudder and sisser and my baby who is Soby lite duh uwa Sobey, Windsey’s tat. 

In case you didn’t get that, I’ll translate…

Thank you for dinner, even though I didn’t like tuna casserole. Thank you for my family, so I won’t be alone. Thank you for Christmas Eve before Christmas. Thank you for Christmas after Christmas Eve. Thank you for my mom and my dad and my brother and sister and my baby who is Toby like the other Tobey, Lindsey’s cat. 

It is so hard not to giggle when she prays, which drives her crazy, because she isn’t trying to be funny. She’s sincerely talking to God, and I simply have the privilege of listening to their conversation. So as cute as I think her prayers are, what I like even more about them is her authenticity. She means every word that comes out of her mouth. There is no doubt in her mind that God is listening, and her prayers reflect that truth.

There are so very many lessons about God that I have learned from my children, and this is not the least of them. Prayer is a big deal. That’s like the understatement of the century, but I just don’t know how to say it better. It’s a BIG deal! It is a life-changing, intimate, sacred experience. We speak to the God who created the universe, who maintains it still, and He listens.

 

What a tragedy that I don’t take advantage of this profound honor every moment that I can! That I often mull over my thoughts for great lengths of time before talking things out with the One who already sees the big picture. That I am guilty of using the phrase, “Well, all I can do about it is pray.” That like the apostles in the garden, I cannot pray to my Lord for any length of time without falling asleep (or at least letting my mind wander). 

Last night one of my pastors spent part of our Bible study reflecting on the subject of prayer. He said something to the effect of, “We often take such great pleasure in the knowledge that we can talk to God everywhere that we don’t end up bothering to talk to Him anywhere.” Indeed. There’s no telling how many times I’ve assured myself that I would spend some time in prayer throughout the course of my day, only to realize when my head hit the pillow that I had yet to fellowship with my Savior.

This probably seems silly, and I’m a little embarrassed to mention it, but I’ve started setting daily prayer reminder alarms on my phone. I have such a one track mind that I can’t seem to remember to incorporate prayer into a typical day filled with loading the dishwasher, washing dirty underwear, filling sippy cups, and cooking dinner. (I mean, really. Who can pray when you’re doing a God-forsaken task such as cooking?) But no matter what I’m doing, when I hear my phone start to chime, I’m reminded to stop for a moment and converse with God about my current reality. About my cares and burdens. About how great He is. About how He involves Himself intimately in my life. He wants to hear it all.

Singing along to praise and worship songs has also been a tremendously helpful way for me to communicate with God. A worship song is simply a prayer with a tune. It’s hard to be cranky, self-centered, or impatient when you’re singing just the opposite. The focus is taken off of my temporary woes and placed on the character of God. 

He is the God who told the oceans how far they could come; who tells the sun and moon where to stand. The God who is so holy that we will one day bow down with the angels and worship him forever. Whatever my lot in life, He has taught me to understand that all is still well with my soul. He has taught me the heights of love and depths of peace that He brings when I let go of my fear and striving. That there is no need for despair, because Christ made an END to all my sin. That there is freedom in surrender, because the King of Glory rescued me. That this same grace that freed me will continue to lead me for all my life. This is the God that I pray and sing to.

 (From the songs Redeemer, Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, It is Well with my Soul, In Christ Alone, Before the Throne of God Above, Beautiful the Blood, and Amazing Grace.)

One other thing I love about my sweet girl’s prayers is her continual gratitude. Every time she talks to God, the bulk of their conversation consists of “thank you’s.” She even thanked him for the tuna casserole for crying out loud! I’m not about to pretend that she didn’t complain about that same tuna casserole, but at least on some small scale she recognized that it was still a provision to be thankful for. Every good thing comes down from the Lord, and He deserves all the appreciation we can give.

I’ve seen a quote floating around that says, “What if you woke up today with only the things that you thanked God for yesterday?” Part of me doesn’t like this sentiment, because I feel like it’s implying that our thankfulness should stem from fear. However, it does make me think about just how much I take for granted. For example, I don’t know that I’ve ever thanked God for pens, light bulbs, paint, or blankets. (Can you tell I just took a quick glance around the room?) I’m not saying we should list every single thing out for God, but my point is that we need to recognize the volume of blessings that have been poured into our lives, and then express our deep gratitude.

 

Clearly this is not an exhaustive discourse on the subject of prayer, but sometimes a simple reminder is all we need. (And I just realized that today is the National Day of Prayer, so how appropriate!) If my four-year-old can recognize the importance of prayer and speak so freely with God, then I know that we can all do the same. So go ahead and take some time to “fway!”